Temper gets you into trouble. Pride keeps you there. ---- We are drowning in information and starved for knowledge. ---- You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them. Ray Bradbury ---- If you can't convince them, confuse them. Harry S Truman ---- "I put my trust in Allah." The Prophet then said: "Tie your camel first, then put your trust in Allah" At-Tirmidhi, 2517 ---- In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. Douglas Adams ---- Management by objectives works if you first think through your objectives. Ninety percent of the time you haven't. Peter F. Drucker ---- it's easy to get lost in thought if it's not familiar territory to you. ---- Within the problem lies the solution Milton Katselas ---- If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. John F. Kennedy , Inaugural Address (Jan. 20, 1961) ---- In a time of drastic change it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists. Eric Hoffer ---- When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. Alexander Graham Bell ---- I am for those means which will give the greatest good to the greatest number. Abraham Lincoln ---- We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey. Stephen R. Covey ---- A wise man's question contains half the answer. Solomon Ibn Gabirol ---- Immortality lies not in the things you leave behind, but in the people your life has touched. ---- Data is not information, Information is not knowledge, Knowledge is not understanding, Understanding is not wisdom. Cliff Stoll & Gary Schubert ---- The best way to predict the future is to invent it. Alan Kay ---- Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. Oscar Wilde ---- Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. Soren Kierkegaard ---- Common sense is not so common. Voltaire ---- The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself. Winston Churchill ---- Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg. ---- In youth we learn; in age we understand. Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach ---- The first mistake in public business is the going into it. Ben Franklin ---- I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. Joe Walsh ---- An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. Will Rogers ---- Victory belongs to the most persevering. Napoleon Bonaparte ---- There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self. Aldous Huxley ---- History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it. Robert Heinlein , Time Enough for Love (1972) ---- This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness. Dalai Lama ---- Justice cannot be for one side alone, but must be for both. Eleanor Roosevelt ---- Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his experience. He must use it. Experience achieves more with less energy and time. Bernard Baruch ---- Tell me your friends, and I'll tell you who you are. Assyrian Proverb ---- The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them. Albert Einstein ---- The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons. Ralph Waldo Emerson , Conduct of Life ---- I don't like that man. I must get to know him better. Abraham Lincoln ---- Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot Charlie Chaplin ---- A professional is a person who can do his best at a time when he doesn't particularly feel like it. Alistair Cooke ---- Be not afraid of going slowly; be only afraid of standing still. Chinese Proverb ---- I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers. Kahlil Gibran ---- Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. ---- Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live. Margaret Fuller ---- The whole world steps aside for the man who knows where he is going. ---- Skill and confidence are an unconquered army. George Herbert ---- Just because something is tradition doesn't make it right. Anthony J. D'Angelo , The College Blue Book ---- Don't reinvent the wheel, just realign it. Anthony J. D'Angelo , The College Blue Book ---- Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others. Cicero ---- It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! Nietzsche ---- Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right. Kurt Herbert Alder ---- He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. Chinese proverb ---- By all means, let's not confuse ourselves with the facts! ---- Change is good, but dollars are better. ---- I start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers. Ralph Nader ---- Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone. G. B. Stern ---- Don't listen to friends when the Friend inside you says 'Do this.' Mohandas Gandhi ---- The thought manifests as the word; The word manifests as the deed; The deed develops into habit; And habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care, And let it spring from love; Born out of concern for all beings. The Budha ---- Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. Oscar Wilde ---- A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Herm Albright ---- Nothing in life is static; it either gets better, or it gets worse. Lloyd Dobens and Clare CrawfordMason , Thinking About Quality ---- Money and success don't change people; they merely amplify what is already there. Will Smith ---- I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving -- we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it -- but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor. Oliver W. Holmes ---- We can never tell what is in store for us. Harry S Truman ---- One of the hardest things in this world is to admit you are wrong. And nothing is more helpful in resolving a situation than its frank admission. Benjamin Disreali ---- If we fight a war and win it with H-bombs, what history will remember is not the ideals we were fighting for but the methods we used to accomplish them. These methods will be compared to the warfare of Genghis Khan who ruthlessly killed every last inhabitant of Persia. Hans A. Bethe ---- Ability is of little account without opportunity. Napoleon Bonaparte ---- I hate mankind, for I consider myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am. Samuel Johnson ---- The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it. George Bernard Shaw ---- The difficulty is not so great to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for. Homer ---- You can delegate authority, but not responsibility. Stephen W. Comiskey ---- Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer. The Lion ---- These days, the wages of sin depend on what kind of deal you make with the devil. Kara Vichko ---- For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe... Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end. H. L. Mencken , (1928) ---- Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. Theodore Roosevelt ---- Weather is a great bluffer. I guess the same is true of our human society -- things can look dark, then a break shows in the clouds, and all is changed. E. B. White ---- People are more easily led than driven. David Harold Fink ---- An artist never really finishes his work; he merely abandons it. Paul Valry ---- Outside show is a poor substitute for inner worth. ---- Genius is only a greater aptitude for patience. GeorgeLouis Leclerc de Buffon ---- While one should always study the method of a great artist, one should never imitate his manner. The manner of an artist is essentially individual, the method of an artist is absolutely universal. The first is personality, which no one should copy; the second is perfection, which all should aim at. Oscar Wilde ---- Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood.... Make big plans... aim high in hope and work. Daniel H. Burnham ---- Whatever you are, be a good one. Abraham Lincoln ---- Few people think more than two or three times a year. I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week. George Bernard Shaw ---- It is the quality of our work which will please God and not the quantity. Mahatma Gandhi ---- We are rich only through what we give, and poor only through what we refuse. Anne Swetchine ---- The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be. Socrates ---- Man is a gregarious creature, more so in mind than in body. He may like to go alone for a walk but he hates to stand alone in his opinion. ---- The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits ---- Do not hover always on the surface of things, nor take up suddenly, with mere appearances; but penetrate into the depth of matters, as far as your time and circumstances allow, especially in those things which relate to your profession. Isaac Watts ---- There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go. Tennessee Williams ---- Leadership is practiced not so much in words as in attitude and in actions. Harold Geneen ---- Understanding human needs is half the job of meeting them. Adlai Stevenson , (October 3, 1952) ---- It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money. Jack Handy ---- Not only are you what you think you are, more so; what you think, you are. Anthony J. D'Angelo , The College Blue Book ---- Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives. Abba Eban ---- His ignorance is encyclopedic Abba Eban ---- Israel is not an aviary. Abba Eban ---- When I was first here, we had the advantages of the underdog. Now we have the disadvantages of the overdog. Abba Eban ---- Time and again these governments have rejected proposals today-and longed for them tomorrow. Abba Eban ---- I think that this is the first war in history that on the morrow the victors sued for peace and the vanquished called for unconditional surrender. Abba Eban ---- Lest Arab governments be tempted out of sheer routine to rush into impulsive rejection, let me suggest that tragedy is not what men suffer but what they miss. Abba Eban ---- The Jews are the living embodiment of the minority, the constant reminder of what duties societies owe their minorities, whoever they might be. Abba Eban ---- A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. Abba Eban ---- He who lives with his memories becomes old. He who lives with plans for the future remains young. ---- Be everywhere, do everything, and never fail to astonish the customer. Macy's Motto ---- Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. Will Durant ---- To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have. ---- If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done. ---- Recompense injury with justice, and recompense kindness with kindness. Confucius , The Confucian Analects ---- Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. F. P. Jones ---- A man will fight harder for his interests than for his rights. Napoleon ---- It is impossible to design a system so perfect that no one needs to be good. T. S. Eliot ---- He who has never failed somewhere... that man can not be great. Herman Melville ---- No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. Abraham Lincoln ---- I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives. I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him. Abraham Lincoln ---- If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." Jack Handy ---- You do not destroy an idea by killing people; you replace it with a better one. Edward Keating ---- I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. Winston Churchill ---- Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. Will Rogers ---- Ever notice that what the hell is always the right decision? Marilyn Monroe ---- Laws do not persuade just because they threaten. Seneca ---- If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Frederick Douglass ---- To solve the problems of today, we must focus on tomorrow. Erik Nupponen ---- A leader is someone who steps back from the entire system and tries to build a more collaborative, more innovative system that will work over the long term. Robert Reich ---- I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. Helen Keller ---- In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth. Mahatma Gandhi ---- The price of freedom is eternal vigilance. Thomas Jefferson ---- The greater the difficulty, the more the glory in surmounting it. Epicurus ---- The legacy of Democrats and Republicans approaches: Libertarianism by bankruptcy. Nick Nuessle (1992) ---- Victory is a political fiction. ---- Delay is preferable to error. Thomas Jefferson ---- Home is an invention on which no one has yet improved. Ann Douglas ---- The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. F. Scott Fitzgerald ---- Journalists cover words and delude themselves into thinking they have committed journalism. Hedrick Smith ---- Upper classes are a nation's past; the middle class is its future. Ayn Rand ---- Some see things as they are and ask 'Why?'. I dream things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' George Bernard Shaw ---- The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. Nathaniel Borenstein ---- It is the person who is blind to what goes on around him that is most surprised when the same things happen to him. M. Thompson ---- Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius--and a lot of courage--to move in the opposite direction. Ernst F. Schumacher ---- The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously. Henry Kissinger ---- Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting. Alan Dean Foster , To the Vanishing Point ---- True Love is only for those strong enough to endure it. Jim Roberts , Journals of Time ---- Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself. John Harold ---- That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria! Calvin ---- Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact. George Eliot ---- You know you're getting old when it takes to much effort to procrastinate. ---- Crude classifications and false generalizations are the curse of organized life. George Bernard Shaw ---- Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Muhammad Ali ---- Do what's right. Do it right. Do it right now. Barry Forbes ---- If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else. Marvin Gaye ---- The will to do, the soul to dare. Sir Walter Scott ---- One of the most basic principles for making and keeping peace within and between nations... is that in political, military, moral, and spiritual confrontations, there should be an honest attempt at the reconciliation of differences before resorting to combat. Jimmy Carter ---- Reality doesn't bite, rather our perception of reality bites. Anthony J. D'Angelo , The College Blue Book ---- My grandfather once told me that there are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was less competition there. Indira Gandhi ---- How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese? Charles De Gaulle ---- We feel free when we escape -- even if it be but from the frying pan to the fire. Eric Hoffer ---- Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. George Santayana ---- What does not destroy me, makes me strong. Friedrich Nietzsche ---- Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available. Jim Beggs ---- "Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time" Bursar 1 - Hex 0 - Terry Pratchett, Hogfather ---- Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo. James Klass ---- I never think of the future. It comes soon enough. Albert Einstein ---- It's better to be quotable than to be honest. Tom Stoppard ---- Women prefer men who have something tender about them -- especially the legal kind. Kay Ingram ---- Try not. Do or do not. YODA ---- Live to learn... forget... and learn again. Brian ---- Security is an illusion. Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all. Keller ---- The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved. Confucius ---- Kiss the girl, get the key... they never taught us *that* in the Obsidian Order Elim Garak - Star-Trek Deep space Nine ---- Lying is a skill like any other and if you want to maintain a level of excellence you have to practice constantly. Elim Garak - Star-Trek Deep space Nine ---- The essence of knowledge is, having it, to apply it; not having it, to confess your ignorance. Confucius ---- Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried. Mae West ---- Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake. A. A. Milne , Pooh's Little Instruction Book ---- As we know, There are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don't know we don't know. Donald Rumsfeld ---- Since pacifists have more freedom of action in countries where traces of democracy remain, pacifism can act more effectively against democracy than for it. Objectively, the pacifist is pro-Nazi. George Orwell ---- "you can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time." Abraham Lincoln ---- if i were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" Abraham Lincoln ---- Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. Abraham Lincoln ---- Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left behind by those who hustle. Abraham Lincoln ---- Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty. Inaugural Address (January 20, 1961) - John F. Kennedy ---- Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. John F. Kennedy ---- The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas. Dr. Linus Pauling ---- All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence -- and then success is sure. Mark Twain ---- The first casualty when war comes is truth. Hiram Johnson ---- A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous. Alfred Alder ---- Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. Robert Orben ---- To be ignorant of what happened before you were born is to be ever a child. For what is man's lifetime unless the memory of past events is woven with those of earlier times? Marcus Tullius Cicero, Orator ---- Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. Danny Kaye ---- Never part without loving words to think of during your absence. It may be that you will not meet again in life. John Paul Richter ---- Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs. Henry Ford ---- It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err. Mahatma Gandhi ---- Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued. Socrates ---- To obtain a man's opinion of you, make him mad. Oliver Wendell Holmes ---- If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool. Carl Jung ---- A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines. Frank Lloyd Wright ---- Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? Kelvin Throop, III ---- There is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. W. Somerset Maugham ---- The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided. Casey Stengal ---- Life is a tale told by an idiot -- full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. William Shakespeare ---- If you have a vision, do something with it. Anthony J. D'Angelo , The College Blue Book ---- Know ye not why We created you all from the same dust? That no one should exalt himself over the other. Baha'u'llah ---- If you want to succeed, you'd better look as if you mean business. Jeanne Holm ---- A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. Robert Frost ---- Fortune favors the bold. Virgil ---- We shall show mercy, but we shall not ask for it. Sir Winston Churchill , speech in the House of Commons, July 14, 1940 ---- You can learn a lot from people who view the world differently than you do. Anthony J. D'Angelo , The College Blue Book ---- When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish. A. A. Milne , Pooh's Little Instruction Book ---- Mankind is the animal that makes tools. In each generation, only a few people get a chance to create new tools. Very, very few get to contribute to making a tool that changes the lives of first hundreds, then thousands, then tens of thousands, and someday millions of people. John Walker, Autodesk ---- Every program in development at MIT expands until it can read mail. ---- A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks. Lew Col ---- A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. Oscar Wilde, "The Portrait of Mr. W.H." ---- An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it. ---- Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here." Muad'dib, "Dune" ---- At the end of your life there'll be a good rest, and no further activities are scheduled. ---- Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers. Gene Wolfe, "The Claw of the Conciliator" ---- Brahma said: Well, after hearing ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser. But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred. The Mahabharata ---- Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles. Howard Chaykin ---- Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances. Herodotus ---- Coincidences are spiritual puns. G.K. Chesterton ---- Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. R. Geis ---- Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck. Joseph Heller, "God Knows" ---- Disease can be cured; fate is incurable. Chinese proverb ---- Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive. ---- Great acts are made up of small deeds. Lao Tsu ---- He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book. B. Franklin ---- He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened. Lao Tsu ---- He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough. Lao Tsu ---- He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know. Lao Tsu ---- Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't. ---- I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today. William Allen White ---- I do not seek the ignorant; the ignorant seek me -- I will instruct them. I ask nothing but sincerity. If they come out of habit, they become tiresome. I Ching ---- I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment. Gotama Buddha ---- In order to discover who you are, first learn who everybody else is; you're what's left. ---- In the next world, you're on your own. ---- Kindness is the beginning of cruelty. Muad'dib [Frank Herbert, "Dune"] ---- Murphy was an optimist. ---- Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work. ---- Music in the soul can be heard by the universe. Lao Tsu ---- Ninety percent of everything is crap. Theodore Sturgeon ---- No matter where I go, the place is always called "here". ---- Remember, Grasshopper, falling down 1000 stairs begins by tripping over the first one. Confusion ---- Rule of Life #1 -- Never get separated from your luggage. ---- To lead people, you must follow behind. Lao Tsu ---- Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. Gandhi ---- Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know. J. Winter Smith ---- With listening comes wisdom, with speaking repentance. ---- You can get *anywhere* in ten minutes if you drive fast enough. ---- You must be the change you wish to see in the world. Mahatma Gandhi ---- A log may float in a river, but that does not make it a crocodile. ---- It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe ---- Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. Henry Kissinger ---- Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time. Sir Winston Churchill , Hansard, November 11, 1947 ---- If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. ---- The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability. Henry Ford ---- You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. Henry Ford ---- A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top. ---- It is only the wisest and the stupidest that cannot change. Confucius , Analects ---- To save your world you asked this man to die; Would this man, could he see you now, ask why? W. H. Auden , Epitaph for an Unknown Soldier ---- Have no friends not equal to yourself. Confucius , The Confucian Analects ---- There are three things which the superior man guards against. In youth...lust. When he is strong...quarrelsomeness. When he is old...covetousness. Confucius , The Confucian Analects ---- I disapprove of what you say, but will defend to the death your right to say it. Voltaire ---- Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. Voltaire ---- If I have been able to see further, it was only because I stood on the shoulders of giants. Sir Isaac Newton ---- I do not feel obliged to believe that the same god who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. Galileo ---- Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you. Yassir Arafat ---- A friend you have to buy; enemies you get for nothing. ---- A good friend is often better than a brother. ---- A little fire burns up a great deal of corn. ---- A man dies when he stops working. ---- A man too good for the world is no good for his wife. ---- A penny is a lot of money, if you have not got a penny. ---- Against stupidity; God Himself is helpless ---- Do not judge your fellow man until you have stood in his place. ---- Don't approach a goat from the front, a horse from the back, or a fool from any side. ---- Don't ask questions of fairy tales. ---- He that eats till he is sick must fast till he is well. ---- If your friend becomes your enemy, he will be your enemy for life. ---- One God and so many enemies. ---- One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool. ---- Programmers don't sleep - they just park their heads ---- Some people believe in windows They also believe that the earth is flat. ---- Stupid people always think they are right. Wise people listen to advice. ---- You can lead a man to politics, but you can't make him think ---- Hidden talent counts for nothing Nero ---- Don't hate; it is too big a burden to bear. Martin Luther King, Jr. ---- I have a dream, that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today! Martin Luther King, Jr. ---- In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends Martin Luther King, Jr. ---- And when a man injures and oppresses you and deals unjustly with you, you should deal kindly with him and forgive him. This you will strike at the root of hatred and enmity and he who is your enemy will become your friend. Koran ---- He deserves Paradise who makes his companions laugh. Koran ---- If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there. Koran ---- Prayer carries us half way to God, fasting brings us to the door of His palace, and alms-giving procures us admission. Koran ---- Wealth and children are the adornment of life. Koran ---- Beyond a critical point within a finite space, freedom diminishes as numbers increase. ...The human question is not how many can possibly survive within the system, but what kind of existence is possible for those who do survive. Frank Herbert Dune ---- If you think of yourselves as helpless and ineffectual, it is certain that you will create a despotic government to be your master. The wise despot, therefore, maintains among his subjects a popular sense that they are helpless and ineffectual. , Frank Herbert The Dosadi Experiment ---- Adults are obsolete children. Dr. Seuss ---- I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Dr. Seuss ---- Look at me! Look at me! Look at me now! It's fun to have fun, but you have to know how! Dr. Seuss ---- Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way Dr. Seuss ---- Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not , Dr Seuss The Lorax ---- What I said never changed anyone. What they understood did. ---- Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday. ---- War kills men, and men deplore the loss; but war also crushes bad principles and tyrants, and so saves societies. Colton ---- Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold. Leo Tolstoy ---- It's always useful to know where a friend-and-relation is, whether you want him or whether you don't. A. A. Milne , Pooh's Little Instruction Book ---- Art can't hurt you. Fred Babb ---- When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. P. J. O'Rourke ---- Piety requires us to honor truth above our friends. Aristotle , Nichomachean Ethics ---- It's life, Jim... but not as we know it. Spock ---- A whole is that which has beginning, middle and end. Aristotle , Rhetoric ---- Vulcans never bluff. Spock "The Doomsday Machine," stardate 4202.1. ---- Without facts, the decision cannot be made logically. You must rely on your human intuition. Spock "Assignment: Earth" ---- Physical laws simply cannot be ignored. Existence cannot be without them. Spock "Spectre of the Gun," stardate 4385.3. ---- Thought is the wind, knowledge the sail, and mankind the vessel. August Hare ---- Every man is the architect of his own fortune. Appius Claudius ---- You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you. Eric Hoffer ---- Government is not reason, it is not eloquence, it is force; like fire, a troublesome servant and a fearful master. Never for a moment should it be left to irresponsible action. George Washington ---- The only time you don't fail is the last time you try anything -- and it works. William Strong ---- If you don't find it in the index, look very carefully through the entire catalogue. Sears, Roebuck, and Co. , Consumer's Guide (1897) ---- Support the strong, give courage to the timid, remind the indifferent, and warn the opposed. Whitney M. Young, Jr. ---- A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference. A. A. Milne , Pooh's Little Instruction Book ---- A good idea will keep you awake during the morning, but a great idea will keep you awake during the night. Marilyn Vos Savant ---- Subdue your appetites, my dears, and you've conquered human nature. Charles Dickens ---- Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in. Napoleon Bonaparte ---- Human kind cannot bear much reality. T. S. Eliot ---- You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes. A. A. Milne , Pooh's Little Instruction Book ---- Out of life's school of war: What does not destroy me, makes me stronger. Niettzche , The Twilight of the Idols (1888) ---- There is no shame in not knowing; the shame lies in not finding out. Russian proverb ---- Egotist: A person more interested in himself than in me Ambrose Biencea (1842-1914) ---- "The problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so sure of themselves while wiser people are so full of doubt." Bertrand Russel (April 6th 1999) ---- "All new technology is rejected and then accepted." Isaac Asimov (Apr 19-25) ---- "Look at us. When life has become futile, meaningless, unindurable; it must be allowed to end. Can't you see captain, for us the disease is immortality." Q (Star Trek: Voyager) (Jun 23-28) ---- "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." Albert Einstein (Jun 29-Jul 4) ---- "The philosophy of the hunter is that you take only what you need, and you share the rest." Leonard George, Tsleilwaututh Chief (Jul 5-11) ---- "To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today." Isaac Asimov (Oct 23-Nov 3) ---- "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." Albert Einstein (Nov 4-Dec 9) ---- "If the Truth is dynamic; how will it ever be found?" Dan Gorski (Sept 23-29) ---- "You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try." Beverly Sills (Sept 29-Oct 14) ---- "Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it." George Bernard Shaw (Nov 22-Dec 2) ---- The concept of progress acts as a protective mechanism to shield us from the terrors of the future. Frank Herbert (Dune) (Feb 9-Mar 11) ---- "There is no sin except stupidity." Oscar Wilde ---- "The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws." Tacitus ---- "Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true." Niels Bohr ---- When two elephants fight it is the grass that suffers. African Proverb ---- Until lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify the hunter. African Proverb ---- If the enemy within cannot kill us, then the enemy without can do us no harm African Proverb ---- The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Arabian proverb ---- Every cripple has his own way of walking. Brendan Behan ---- If you want happiness for a lifetime - help the next generation. Chinese Proverb ---- ...a thousand paths and an infinity of dreams. Hopeful, we are halfway to where we want to go hopeless, we are lost forever. Chinese Proverb ---- That the birds of worry and care fly above your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair,this you can prevent. Chinese Proverb ---- If you stand in one place long enough, the world will come to you. Chinese Proverb ---- Only after the last tree has been cut down; Only after the last fish has been caught; Only after the last river has been poisoned; Only then will you realize that money cannot be eaten. Cree Indian Prophecy ---- We never know the worth of water till the well is dry. English Proverb ---- When spiders unite, they can tie down a lion. Ethiopian Proverb ---- The frog does not drink up the pond in which it lives Indian proverb ---- You have only 2 things to worry about, either you are sick or you are healthy, if you are healthy, you have nothing to worry about, but if you are sick you have 2 things to worry about, you will get well, or you will die, if you get well, you have nothing to worry about, but if you die, you will have 2 things to worry about, you will go up,or you will go down, if you go up, there is nothing to worry about, but if you go down, you will be so busy shaking hands with old friends you won't have time to worry! Irish Proverb ---- An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto a blade of grass and not fall off the earth. Irish Proverb ---- Dance as if no one's watching, sing as if no one's listening, and live everyday as if it were your last. Irish proverb ---- At the end of the game, The king and the pawn go back in the same box. Italian Proverb ---- Not everything which is bad comes to hurt us. Italian Proverb ---- If you stand up like a nail you will get hammered down. Japanese Proverb ---- the reverse side also has a reverse side Japanese proverb ---- Vision without action is daydream. Action without vision is nightmare. Japanese proverb ---- Fear is only as deep as the mind allows Japenese proverb ---- If God lived on earth, people would break his windows. Jewish Proverb ---- As long as you have nothing to shoot for, you will always have plenty of ammunition. John Ward ---- Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you Maori Proverb ---- The generous and bold have the best lives. Poetic Edda, a compilation, ca. 1200 AD, of earlier Icelandic poems (19) ---- It is better to live one day as a lion, than a thousand days as a lamb. Roman proverb ---- The church is close, but the road is icey. The bar is far, but I will walk carefully. Russian Proverb ---- Water that does not move, is always shallow... Sami proverb ---- They talk of my drinking but never my thirst Scottish Proverb ---- Be humble for you are made of earth. Be noble for you are made of stars. Serbian proverb ---- I don't want the cheese, I just want out of the trap. Spanish Proverb ---- Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you. Spanish proverb ---- Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. Swedish Proverb ---- Fear less, hope more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours. Swedish Proverb ---- Faith is to believe in things that we do not see, and the reward of this faith is to see in what we believe. ---- Tell me who's your friend and I'll tell you who you are. Russian Proverb ---- Free speech is the right to shout 'theater' in a crowded fire A Yippie proverb ---- It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins. Chinese Proverb ---- First I saw the mountains in the painting; then I saw the painting in the mountains. Chinese Proverb ---- Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. ---- If it keeps you awake, its art; if it puts you to sleep, its a drug. ---- There are two kinds of people _ those who run and those who should! ---- the same people wrote the bible that thought the world was flat ---- Let's Ban Humans. They All Suck Anyway. ---- If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ---- Trust but verify. ---- When the Czar has a cold all Russia coughs. ---- Don't buy the house, buy the neighborhood. ---- A half-truth is a whole lie ---- Among those who stand, do not sit; among those who sit, do not stand. Among those who laugh, do not weep; among those who weep, do not laugh ---- Anyone who teases you loves you ---- Ask about your neighbors, then buy the house ---- Be sure to send a lazy man for the angel of death ---- Do not ask questions of fairy tales ---- Do not make yourself so big, you are not so small ---- Do not meet troubles half-way ---- Don't be too sweet lest you be eaten up; don't be too bitter lest you be spewed out ---- Don't look a gift horse in the mouth ---- Don't make a mountain out of a molehill ---- Don't open a shop unless you know how to smile ---- God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers ---- He who puts up with insult invites injury ---- If the rich could hire someone else to die for them, the poor would make a wonderful living ---- If you can't go over, you must go under ---- In a restaurant choose a table near a waiter ---- Never trust people who tell you all their troubles but keep from you all their joys ---- Prepare your proof before you argue ---- Pride is the mask of one's own faults ---- Pride joined with many virtues chokes them all ---- Pride that dined with vanity supped with poverty ---- "Rejoice not at thine enemy's fall"--but don't rush to pick his up, either ---- The innkeeper loves a drunkard, but not for a son-in-law ---- The only truly dead are those who have been forgotten ---- What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth ---- What you give for the cause of charity in health is gold; what you give in sickness is silver; what you give after death is lead ---- When two divorced people marry, four people get into bed ---- When you have no choice, mobilize the spirit of courage ---- With money in your pocket you are wise, you are handsome, and you sing well too ---- You can't force anyone to love you or lend you money ---- Your friend has a friend; don't tell him ---- A little fire burns up a great deal of corn ---- A rich man has no need of character ---- Admission by the defendant is worth a hundred witnesses ---- An advantage of poverty: your relatives gain nothing by your death ---- Education is what most receive, many pass on, and few possess. Karl Kraus ---- Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. Herman Cain ---- If you obey all of the rules, you miss all of the fun. Katherine Hepburn ---- What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others. Confucius , The Confucian Analects ---- The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. Thich Nhat Hanh ---- Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward. They may be beaten, but they may start a winning game. Goethe ---- In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. Douglas Adams ---- A penny will hide the biggest star in the Universe if you hold it close enough to your eye. Samuel Grafton ---- We must become the change we want to see. Mahatma Gandhi ---- The leader has to be practical and a realist, yet must talk the language of the visionary and the idealist. Eric Hoffer ---- Conservation is humanity caring for the future. Nancy Newhall ---- The worst-tempered people I've ever met were the people who knew they were wrong. Wilson Mizner ---- A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes. James Feibleman ---- We've gotten to the point where everybody's got a right and nobody's got a responsibility. Newton Minow ---- Failure to prepare is preparing to fail. ---- Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. Peter Drucker ---- Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left. Hubert Humphrey ---- Change should be a friend. It should happen by plan, not by accident. Philip Crosby , Reflections on Quality ---- 5 out of 2 people are dyslexic Dyslexics of the world: untie! ---- The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true. ---- Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... ---- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried. ---- I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. ---- Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Corruption is a crime. Crime doesn't pay. So if you keep studying you'll go broke! ---- If smoking is so bad for you, how come it cures kippers? ---- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach a man how to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day... ---- The only two things that are infinite in size are the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not completely sure about the universe. Albert Einstein ---- I knew it would be in the last place I looked for it, so I looked there first. ---- Here's a horrible thought: You know how dumb the average person is? Well, half the human race is even dumber than that... ---- Love between a man and a woman can be a beautiful thing, especially if you're between the right man and the right woman. Woody Allen ---- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. ---- If Bill Gates got a nickel every time some version of Windows crashed or frustrated, he's be the richest man in the world! ---- Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant! ---- It was a woman that drove me to drink. Such a shame I forgot to thank her ---- The I.S.O. standard unit of female pulchritude is the milli-helen. This is the amount of beauty capable of causing the launching of a single ship. ---- Women are like pianos - When they're not upright they're grand. ---- It's a dog eat dog world out there..... And vice versa. ---- I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork Peter DeVries. ---- If you can't beat them, join them, then beat them. ---- If you were going to shoot a mime - would you use a silencer? ---- We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit. Aristotle ---- The concept of relative ethics is truly a tribute to the human mind, and man's ability to delude himself. ---- Men will send one perfect rose, without realising a girl's need for one perfect limo. Dorothy L. Parker ---- If scientists are so clever, what is the speed of dark? ---- God Is Perfect, Man Is Not, Man Made Alcohol, God Made Pot !!!! ---- Windows: A 32 bit extension and graphical shell, for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system, originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition. Good thing there's not any. ---- It's hard to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. ---- You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. Albert Einstein ---- Never explain. Your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. ---- If at first you don't succeed, give up skydiving. ---- A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without holding on. ---- "One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop." G. Weilacher ---- We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart? ---- If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0 ---- A good storyteller is a person who has a good memory and hopes other people haven't. ---- You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back. ---- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. ---- If vegetarians eat vegetables, beware of humanitarians! ---- Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard. ---- Why do clairvoyants need doorbells ? ---- Where do you want to tell Microsoft to go today? ---- Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. ---- Help me to be careful of the toes I step on today As they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow. ---- I have a firm grip of reality - now I can strangle it.... ---- Experts eliminate the simpler mistakes in favor of the more complex ones, thereby achieving a higher degree of stupidity. ---- People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito. ---- Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I ---- The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners...... ---- Life would be much easier if I had the source code. ---- He who laughs last thinks slowest. ---- Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Work like you don't need the money Love like you've never been hurt And dance like no one's watching ---- If you have nothing to hide, why do you use an envelope? ---- Homo Sapiens is a goal, not a description. ---- Early to rise, early to bed, makes you healthy but socially dead. ---- Unfinished business - business that is finished, but you don't like the way it turned out. ---- Remember half the people you know are below average. ---- I am in shape. Round is a shape. ---- You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. ---- There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't. ---- "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen." Albert Einstein ---- Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. ---- If the gods had meant for mankind to fly, they wouldn't have made the ground so hard, or so far down. ---- Eagles soar but a weasel will never get sucked into a jet engine. ---- Moore's Law: hardware speed doubles every 18 months Gates' Law: software speed halves every 18 months ---- At first there was nothing. Then God said 'Let there be light!' Then there was still nothing. But you could see it. ---- Suburbia: where they tear down all the trees and name streets after them. ---- Money doesn't make you happy, but money can buy gizmos and gizmos make you happy. ---- If voting could change the system, it would be illegal. If not voting could change the system, it would be illegal. ---- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it. ---- I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it. ---- I started out with nothing,and I`ve still got most of it left. ---- I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing. ---- Luck is when opportunity meets preparation. ---- I found out what serendipity meant by accident. ---- To a Pessimist, the glass is half empty. To an Optimist, the glass is half full. To an Engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. ---- Be aloof, there has been a recent population explosion of lerts. ---- Doesn't it bother you that we have to search for intelligent life OUT THERE?? ---- Tact: the ability to describe others as they see themselves. ---- If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it? ---- Conscience: That part of the psyche that dissolves in alcohol. ---- I don't practice what I preach, because I'm not the kind of person I'm preaching to. ---- There are two secrets for success. 1: Don't reveal all your secrets 2: ---- Breast size multiplied by IQ always equals 69. ---- What we need is either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. ---- There are basically three kinds of men. There are the ones who learn by reading. Then there are the few who learn by observation. The rest just have to pee on the electric fence for themselves. ---- What is a rhetorical question? ---- If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. ---- Even in the worst of times, there is always someone who's never had it better. Even in the best of times, there is always someone who's never had it worse. ---- Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. ---- Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood. ---- A lawyer is an expert on justice the way a whore is an expert on love. ---- God, grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the Good Fortune to run into the ones I do, And the Eyesight to tell the difference. ---- Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected us as kids, we'd all run around in a darkened room munching pills and listening to repetitive music. ---- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station........ ---- Windows error messages in Haiku #2: Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank. ---- One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. ---- Bigamy is having one too many wives. Monogamy is the same. ---- Got kleptomania? Take something for it. ---- A Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer is to computing what a McDonalds Certified Food Specialist is to fine cuisine. ---- If God had meant carrots to be eaten cooked, He would have given rabbits fire. ---- Claiming that your operating system is the best in the world because more people use it is like saying that McDonalds makes the best food in the world. ---- A real friend isn't someone you use once and then throw away. A real friend is someone you can use over and over again. ---- There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to say. ---- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ---- Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. ---- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up. ---- Veni, Vidi, Visa. (I came, I saw, I bought.) ---- People say that I suffer from insanity. Actually, I enjoy every minute of it. ---- God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make the difference stick! ---- God must have loved calories, she made so many of them. ---- What happens if you get scared half to death twice? ---- UNIX is not user-unfriendly; it merely expects users to be computer-friendly. ---- Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once. Space is nature's way of keeping it all from happening to you. ---- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW. ---- Smith & Wesson: THE original point and click interface... ---- If a man says something in the middle of a forest and there isn't a woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? ---- There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary,and those who don't ---- I think the last place I'd like to be beamed is 'Up Scotty' ---- Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. ---- The golden rule: he who has the gold, makes the rules. ---- Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the pens will multiply instead of disappear. ---- We've heard that a million monkeys bashing away at a million keyboards could produce a complete Shakespearian work Now, thanks to the internet, we know this is not true. ---- When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying, and noticed that I was talking to myself. ---- Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool. ---- Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs in one. ---- Mathematicians, please don't drink and derive. ---- We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter. ---- Mornings: Evolution in action. Only the grumpy will survive. ---- The problem with the world is stupidity. Not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? ---- The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer. Henry Kissinger (1923 - ), New York Times, Oct. 28, 1973 ---- What is food to one man is bitter poison to others. Lucretius (96 BC - 55 BC) ---- #3537. Superfluity does not vitiate. California Civil Code, "Maxims of Jurisprudence" ---- He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot. ---- To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. Farmers' Almanac, 1978 ---- Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile. Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965) ---- It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks. Pierre Auguste Renoir ---- It should be our care not so much to live a long life as a satisfactory one. Seneca (5 BC - 65) ---- Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) ---- Not even the gods fight against necessity. Simonides (556 BC - 468 BC), from Plato, Dialogues, Protagoras ---- We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read. Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ---- He has a splendid repertoire of 500 words. Why does he insist on using only 150? Abba Eban (1915 - 2002) ---- "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." James Halliwell, Nursery Rhymes of England, 1844 ---- "When I find myself in the company of scientists, I feel like a shabby curate who has strayed by mistake into a room full of dukes." W. H. Auden ---- "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Neil Armstrong, On the first moonwalk, July 20, 1969 ---- Thats one small code in perl, one giant leap in computing time. Ido Kanner - After making a quotation reader in perl ---- "There is still no cure for the common birthday." John Glenn ---- "The guy with the biggest stomach will be the first to take off his shirt at a baseball game." Glenn Dickey ---- "No one is entitled to the truth." E. Howard Hunt ---- "If all mankind minus one were of one opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind." John Stuart Mill ---- "An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less, until eventually he knows everything about nothing." ---- Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. Dumb & Dumber (1994), Dumb & Dumber ---- "Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy." Robert Anthony ---- "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Erich Segal ---- "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein (1879-1955) ---- "There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) ---- "Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing." Wernher Von Braun (1912-1977) ---- "The truth is more important than the facts." Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959) ---- "The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them." Mark Twain (1835-1910) ---- "I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need." Francois-Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), when asked how he managed to make his remarkable statues ---- "Interesting - I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray." Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac. ---- "A poem is never finished, only abandoned." Paul Valery (1871-1945) ---- "I worship the quicksand he walks in." Art Buchwald ---- "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." Irvin S. Cobb ---- "He would make a lovely corpse." Charles Dickens (1812-1870) ---- "Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies." Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan. ---- "This isn't right, this isn't even wrong." Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist's paper ---- "Woman was God's second mistake." Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) ---- "God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." Robin Williams, commenting on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair ---- "I criticize by creation - not by finding fault." Cicero (106-43 B.C.) ---- "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965) ---- "There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher." Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964) ---- "There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole." Bill Wulf ---- "Half this game is ninety percent mental." Yogi Berra ---- "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks ---- "The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep." Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live ---- "Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) ---- "It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both." NNiccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527), "The Prince" ---- "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." Mark Twain (1835-1910) ---- "The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." Tom Clancy ---- "The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins." Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935) ---- "Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923) ---- "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) ---- "After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one." Cato the Elder (234-149 BC, AKA Marcus Porcius Cato) ---- "A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood." General George S. Patton (1885-1945) ---- "Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain (1835-1910) ---- "Everything that can be invented has been invented." Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899 ---- "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962 ---- "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" H. M. Warner (1881-1958), founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927 ---- "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977 ---- "Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity." Irving Kristol ---- "The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy." Von Clausewitz (1780-1831) ---- "If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" Will Rogers (1879-1935) ---- "I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!" Will Rogers (1879-1935) ---- "I think it would be a good idea." Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948), when asked what he thought of Western civilization ---- "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943 ---- "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965) ---- "There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal." Sigfried Hulzer ---- "The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready." Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862) ---- "Sometimes it is not enough to our best; we must do what is required." Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965) ---- "Dogma is the sacrifice of wisdom to consistency." Lewis Perelman ---- "Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century." Lewis Perelman ---- "A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted." Helen Rowland (1876-1950) ---- "The average person thinks he isn't." Father Larry Lorenzoni ---- "Well done is better than well said." Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) ---- "Silence is argument carried out by other means." Ernesto"Che"Guevara (1928-1967) ---- "The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time." George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) ---- "Never mistake motion for action." Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) ---- "A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar." Lao-Tzu (570?-490? BC) ---- "Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting." Karl Wallenda ---- "It is better to be quotable than to be honest." Tom Stoppard ---- programming has destroyed my ability to speak English Bash.org - #2575 ---- [02:18:04] s7ank: i want to be one of those guys that types "s/j&jd//.^$ueu*///djsls/sm." and it's a perl script that turns dog crap into gold. Bash.org - #9347 ---- I had a totally hot chemistry teacher once. She used to always say "Uh huh." and show her ass. Win XP is like that. Bash.org - #10071 ---- "China has already cloned human embryos" Go china yeah..thats what China needs..more people. Bash.org - #77413 ---- my kazaa preformed an illegal opperation isn't that what kazaa is designed to do? Bash.org - #147270 ---- sex should be like a honda slow obsene and loud enough for the neighbors to hear Bash.org - #83176 ---- Does anyone know where I can buy 100 m of wireless lan cable? Well, you could try NASA's "things not yet and never will be invented"-department or something. Bash.org - #125928 ---- fuck! someone stole all my beer and drank it and left the empties all over my apartment! either that or I now know why I have a headache and no real memory of anything after 21:00 Bash.org - #187608 ---- crap... some one knocked over my recycle bin... there's icons all over my desktop... Bash.org - #216963 ---- I still dont get how you can use linux when it doesnt have a control panel well duh, use xeyes Bash.org - #8677 ---- * Cheez is now known as rwxr-xr-x ./Cheez Bash.org - #55095 ---- Ouroboros: lets play Pong Ok. | . . | | . . | | . | . Whoops Bash.org - #9322 ---- hello any redhat 9 users in here? let's hope not Bash.org - #105735 ---- private\windows\media\avi\verinfo.16\verinfo.h: * !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * !!!!!!!IF YOU CHANGE TABS TO SPACES, YOU WILL BE KILLED!!!!!!! * !!!!!!!!!!!!!!DOING SO FUCKS THE BUILD PROCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seen at: http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2004/2/15/71552/7795 - leaked Windows 2000 source ---- private\genx\shell\inc\prsht.w: // we are such morons. Wiz97 underwent a redesign between IE4 and IE5 Seen at: http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2004/2/15/71552/7795 - leaked Windows 2000 source ---- private\shell\ext\ftp\ftpdrop.cpp: //We have to do this only because Exchange is a moron. Seen at: http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2004/2/15/71552/7795 - leaked Windows 2000 source ---- private\shell\shdoc401\unicpp\desktop.cpp: // We are morons. We changed the IDeskTray interface between IE4 Seen at: http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2004/2/15/71552/7795 - leaked Windows 2000 source ---- private\inet\wininet\urlcache\filemgr.cxx: // ACHTUNG!!! this is a special hack for IBM antivirus software Seen at: http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2004/2/15/71552/7795 - leaked Windows 2000 source ---- /* * nesting deeper and deeper, harder and harder, go, go, oh, OH, OHHHH!! * Sorry, got carried away there. */ struct lo_FormElementOptionData_struct { Seen at: http://discuss.fogcreek.com/joelonsoftware/default.asp?cmd=show&ixPost=3364 ---- /* IWDFWI */ Translation: It works, don't fuck with it. Mike Gunderloy Saturday, February 02, 2002 Seen at: http://discuss.fogcreek.com/joelonsoftware/default.asp?cmd=show&ixPost=3364 ---- // Hocus Pocus, grab the focus winSetFocus(...) Seen at: http://c2.com/cgi/wiki?FunnyThingsSeenInSourceCodeAndDocumentation ---- try { //... } catch (SecurityException sex) { Seen at: http://c2.com/cgi/wiki?FunnyThingsSeenInSourceCodeAndDocumentation ---- Real Programmers consider "what you see is what you get" to be just as bad a concept in Text Editors as it is in women. No, the Real Programmer wants a "you asked for it, you got it" text editor -- complicated, cryptic, powerful, unforgiving, dangerous. ---- And as a bonus the recovery CD includes a fully-functioning tetris game. Tzafrir Cohen - seen on hamakor mailling list ---- These download files are in Microsoft Word 6.0 format. After unzipping, these files can be viewed in any text editor, including all versions of Microsoft Word, WordPad, and Microsoft Word Viewer. From Microsoft's Website ---- YASFPIIAS Yet Another SourceForge Project In Its Alpha Stage ---- Email law #1: A second after you close your email client, a new email will arrive ---- Email law #2: The second you open your mail client a junk mail will arrive ---- Email law #3: When you want to send an important attachment the email will always be sent without it. ---- Email law #4: When you are waiting for important email, it will always located on the spam directory. ---- Email law #5: When you think you configured your junk mail filter correctly, a new way will be found to send you junk. ---- #!/bin/bash # written by darren kirby You="R_a_dream" Are="you_really_there?" let Me=make love; To="u" i="long"; FOR="you" Not="meant_2_b" for the_stars in the sky and the light from The moon do #not forget...I will echo "I love you" # 'til I am done #in from the heartache declare -i am_in_love if [[ -n $You ]] && [[ -n $Are ]] && [[ -n $Not ]]; then # I will echo "I love you anyway" # till fi #naly I am free ---- " ...draining workplace productivity since 1996" from freecell.com ---- If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me. Bobcat Goldthwait ---- I bet if Zebras tasted like Zebra Cakes there would be a lot less vegetarians. Ben Wipperman ---- Insanity Is The Fuel For The Mind HalonX ---- The dark is not mysterious; it is merely dark. Archibald MacLeish ---- I want to know Gods thoughts, the rest are details. Albert Einstein ---- 640K ought to be enough for anybody. Bill Gates ---- Its hard to expect people to think outside of the box when they cant find their way to the other side of a dot. Keith J. Beange ---- A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in an argument. Robert Frost ---- Life is a comedy to those who think, and a tragedy to those who feel. Moliere ---- If you see Buddha coming down the road, kill him Buddha ---- Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin ---- Dream as if youll live forever. Live as if youll die today. James Dean ---- They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. Benjamin Franklin ---- I came here to be drugged, electricuted and probed, not insulted! Homer Simpson ---- Humans dont know this but due to the war among the angels, heavens closed. Nobody who has died since the beginning of time has made it in. Sorry. All those bones just lying there! But, Hell! While heaven may be closed, I am open all year round, even on Christmas. Lucifer, from the movie Prophecy ---- Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Homer Simpson ---- Just because you are paranoid doesnt mean theyre not after you. Kurt Cobain ---- Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes. Ralph Waldo Emerson ---- Sacred cows make the best hamburger. Mark Twain ---- Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity badfish ---- He who has seen the end of war.. is dead. Plato ---- I shouldve been a plumber. Albert Einstein ---- In war-time.. .truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies. Winston Churchill ---- Listen! You smell something? Ray Stanz (Ghostbuster) ---- Imagination is more important than knowledge. Albert Einstein ---- Some guy hit me in the fender the other day. I told him to go forth an prosper fruitfully on his own. Only not in those words. Woody Allen ---- It is foolish to tear ones hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less by baldness. Cicero ---- If you have Brains in your head and feet in your shoes you can do any thing Dr. Suess ---- Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. Aldous Huxley ---- Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't after me. Lazarus Long ---- One day when I was little, and my parents were having a party, I went around to all the adults and said, drink this and it will make you grow. They all laughed and said I was cute. Then I went to the coat-room and hemmed all their coats. Steven Wright ---- I did not get my Spaghetti-Os, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this. ( Last words before being executed. ) Thomas J. Grasso ---- Freedom is a feeling you celebrate with the world. Lets make cakes, not weapons. Lets visit the plastic surgeon and replace our arms with wings. This may cost a lot of money. Diesel ---- I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the people in his car. ---- Ive been in a bad mood for the past couple of years, so why dont you just leave me alone? Wyatt Earp ---- Life is like a roll of toilet paper. When it come close to the end, it goes faster. Ciara ---- Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and hell believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and hell have to touch to be sure. Jarger ---- They are GODS... just like Ted Nugent! Michael Smith ---- Whining is anger through a small opening. Stuart Smalley ---- Arrogance is a form of ignorance. Troy Johnson ---- Your random quote from 324 quotes, is: Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tellem, Certainly I can! - and get busy and find out how to do it. Theodore Roosevelt ---- Why is it that when we talk to God were said to be praying, but when God talks to us were schizophrenic? Lily Tomlin ---- "Those that can, do. Those that can't, complain". Linus Torvalds ---- "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we ... We must never stop thinking about how best to defend our country. We must always be forward-thinking" George W. Bush - In a speech in 06/08/2004 ---- "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of spelling errors." The Hspell Project ---- "All I can tell you is that pictures come into my head and I write stories about them." C. S. Lewis ---- "A neurotic is the man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent." Jerome Lawrence ---- "Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind." Rudyard Kipling ---- "Scientists theorize about the possibilty of going to the stars, poets go there." Albatross ---- "I'd deflower you, but i'm an environmentalist." Neils Weilander ---- "I laugh, I smile, and I take Prozac." Jocelyn ---- "Any couple who can blush in unison deserve each other." Columbine ---- "You know it's love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead." Tarik John Dozier ---- "You know you've been on NetGoth too long when you're overjoyed whenever you get email that doesn't start with a Re:" Lex ---- "Work is the curse of the drinking class." Oscar Wilde ---- "Friends don't let friends...go to clubs dressed like The Crow." ---- "May the rocks below be merciless and jagged." Eileen (Individuation) ---- "There is no cause so noble, that one cannot find fools following it." ---- "He's YOUR god, They're YOUR rules, YOU burn in hell." Locutus ---- "Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?" "It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?" MacNelley, "Shoe" ---- "Spare no expense to save money on this one." Samuel Goldwyn ---- "Jesus save sinners and redeems them for valuable prizes!" Locutus ---- "Life is one big ink blot." Leanan Sidhe (Charlotte Ashley) ---- "But it doesn't matter because we're all doomed." Eric Parks ---- "I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it." Oscar Wilde ---- "I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem." Oscar Wilde ---- "By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me." Oscar Wilde ---- "Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction." Oscar Wilde ---- "America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between." Oscar Wilde ---- "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." Former Vice President Dan Quayle ---- "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." J. Danforth Quayle ---- "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change." Former Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89 ---- "People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history." Former Vice President Dan Quayle ---- "I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican." Vice President Dan Quayle ---- "TIAC tech support: stealing idiots from villages everywhere." Purp ---- "TIAC Human resources: stealing idiots from villages everywhere." Ned Brickley ---- "Art is a telling of stories and drumming is one of the earliest forms of that art." Neil Peart ---- "Love is the triumph of imagination over the intelligence." Danny Cevidanes ---- "If I hammered a three-way plug adapter into my skull and plugged my head into a wall-socket I'd certainly be getting a lot more intellectual stimulation than I'm getting now." Kara Bunting ---- "Success didn't spoil me; I've always been insufferable." Fran Lebowitz ---- "If you're going to have delusions, you may as well go for the really satisfying ones." Marcus Cole, Babylon 5 ---- "All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable." Fran Lebowitz ---- "Think of how stupid the average person is. Now realize that by definition HALF of the population is even STUPIDER." Lex ---- "I can resist everything except temptation." Oscar Wilde ---- "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." Philip K. Dick ---- "Coincidences are spiritual puns." G. K. Chesterton ---- "Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you wish you weren't." ---- "I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense." ---- "I'm having an emotional outburst!!" ---- "Hey! I don't steal - I gave that up!" Steve B. ---- "The closet upstairs: If you can only rub it in one direction, we carry it!" Lex ---- "Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think." ---- "However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner ... sulking and nausea." Tom K. Ryan ---- "If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin." ---- "Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform." Mark Twain ---- "Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree." Professor W. ---- "This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?" ---- "Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm the only ashtray." ---- "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" Steven Wright ---- "A day without sunshine is like night." ---- "So many rednecks, so little time..." Kaos ---- "Heh heh death chicks are cool. They do weird sex stuff." Beavis and Butt-Head ---- "I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it." Chyle ---- "It just can't be illegal to kill someone that incompetent!" ISP owner/sysadmin after speaking with Nynex ---- "He who cannot lie, knows not what truth is." Nietzche ---- "Everybody has a right to be stupid, but some people abuse the privilege." Joseph Stalin ---- "It's cool! It's groovy! It's got penguins! And wibbly bits!" Pete Scathe ---- "Anything is art if an artist says it is." Marcel Ducham ---- "I'm a bisexual polyamorous pervert, but I STILL won't sleep with YOU." David Gerard ---- "We are painted. Fear us." Grimly The Invisible ---- "I'd like to change your mind by hitting it with a rock." They Might Be Giants ---- "If I painted my turtle black, would it be spooky?" Jhonen Vasquez, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac ---- "Reality is frequently inaccurate." Douglas Adams ---- "Hey, this train doesn't talk!" Rav3n ---- "It's like a crack pipe for smart people." Chat room fanatic Arsenio Hall, talking about the Internet ---- "Punk isn't dead, its waiting in ambush. " Jeff-boy ---- "Life doesn't throw me curve balls. It just hits me with the bat." Jealousy ---- "Every once in a while, it's a good idea to call out 'Computer, end program,' just to check." Dave Noelle ---- "High School is full of morons. Unfortunately most of them TEACH us." Scott Murray and Iain Conliffe ---- "I hate you all and I hope you have snacks!" Mystery Science Theater 3000 ---- "You sir have just crossed my happy line...." Timmie ---- "What a cute little cemetery!" Edvamp ---- "Stick. Electric. Poke. Cow go Zzzt Zzzt." Peter Nielsen ---- "Should I come over and squeak until you fall asleep?" Dennis, to Noah ---- "A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn." ---- "The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything." Goethe ---- "Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth." John F. Kennedy ---- "The dreams of youth are the regrets of maturity." Darkness, Legend ---- "First things first, but not necessarily in that order." Doctor Who ---- "And you must always remember there's one good thing about being trapped down here: it'll save funeral expenses." Puddleglum ---- It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature ---- Not all those who wander are lost.... ---- "The only religion I know is Love." Mahatma Ghandi ---- "The Moral Law tells us the tune we have to play: our instincts are merely the keys." C S Lewis ---- "Human beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea that they ought to behave in a certain way, and can't really get rid of it." C S Lewis ---- "Who can endure a doctrine which would allow only dentists to say whether our teeth were aching, only cobblers to say whether our shoes hurt us, and only governments to tell us whether we were being well governed?" C S Lewis ---- ...Sooner or later you're going to realize just as I did that there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. From The Matrix ---- "Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither." Clive Staples Lewis (1898-1963), British writer, critic, "Allegory of Love," "The Chronicles of Narnia" ---- "Notice the waves, each moving in its own order, predictable, unchanging. But drop in a single stone and see how the pattern changes. Everything around it is altered." Ambassador Delenn to Sinclair in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "On my world, there are books, thousands of pages, about the power of one mind to change the Universe, but none said it as clearly as this." Delenn to Sinclair in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "Damn. You see, it's your fault. You're bad luck. I've always said that about him. Now, come on, come on. Look, you're a security chief. Shouldn't you be out securing something?" Londo to Garibaldi in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "Even for an alien, this one is pretty alien." Dr. Kyle to Sinclair about Kosh in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "We have unlimited manpower and the will to use it! Can you imagine what we could achieve together?" "I can, which is why it must never be allowed to happen." G'Kar and Delenn in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "You make very good sharks, Mr. Garibaldi. We were pretty good sharks ourselves once, but somehow, along the way, we forgot how to bite. There was a time when this whole quadrant belonged to us. What are we now? Twelve worlds and a thousand monuments to past glories. Living off memories and stories, selling trinkets." Londo to Garibaldi in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "My god, man. We've become a tourist attraction. 'See the great Centauri Republic -- open 9 to 5, Earth time.'" Londo to Garibaldi in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "I haven't broken the rules in a long time, doctor, so I guess .. I'm about due." Takashima to Dr. Kyle in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "Michael, I picked you because you are right for the job. You are not politicking, you are not subtle, and sometimes you are a pain in the ass. And I wouldn't have it any other way." Sinclair to Garibaldi in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "There is a hole .. in your mind." The Assassin to Sinclair in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "Commander, this little breach of security isn't going to affect my Christmas bonus, is it?" Garibaldi to Sinclair in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "Delenn, just before he died, the Minbari assassin looked at me and said: 'There's a hole in your mind.'" "An old Minbari insult. Nothing you need worry about." Sinclair and Delenn in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "I would never tell you anything that was not in your best interest." Delenn to Sinclair in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "A poem: a story in meter or rhyme." "Ahh. 'There once was a man from Nantucket..'" "You've been talking to Garibaldi again, haven't you?" Delenn and Sinclair in Babylon 5:"The Gathering" ---- "All I'm asking is that you trust me." "Trust you? Londo, my brain will be five days dead before I ever trust a Centauri. The first time we met you people, the first time we met any other civilization, you told us you practically ran the entire galaxy." Londo and Garibaldi in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "Appearances aside, we are two completely different species." "A clerical error." Garibaldi and Londo in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "Okay, we made a mistake. I'm sorry. Here, open my wrist." "Centauri don't have major arteries in their wrist." "Of course we don't. What do you think, I'm stupid?" Londo and Garibaldi in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "Your diligence is commendable. Anything else?" "No, I just--" "Then, if you'll excuse me, but I'm in the middle of 15 things, all of them annoying. Thank you for coming by." Ivanova to Winters in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "My father always told me: 'The best way to understand someone is to fight him, make him angry. That's when you see the real person.'" Sinclair to Ivanova in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "He taught me everything I know about flying, and combat. He said to ignore the propaganda, focus on what you see. I've never seen the Minbari fight dishonorably. They never pull a sneak attack." Sinclair to Ivanova in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "So, who are you voting for?" "I think I'll vote for Marie Crane. .. I do not like Santiago. I always thought that a leader should have a strong chin. He has no chin and his vice-president has several. This, to me, is not a good combination." Sinclair and Ivanova in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "We should've wiped out your kind when we had the chance." "What happened? Run out of small children to butcher?" Londo and G'Kar in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "You eat like a starving man." "Seeing death has the way of doing that to me." Ivanova and Garibaldi in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "If you ask me, the universe is going to hell in a handbasket." Garibaldi to Ivanova in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "They are alone. They are a dying people. We should let them pass." "Who? The Narn or the Centauri?" "Yes." Kosh and Sinclair in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "Mr. Garibaldi, you are sitting in my station, using my equipment. Is there a reason for this, or to save time should I just go ahead and snap your hands off at the wrist?" Ivanova to Garibaldi in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "The Council, the Council can go to hell. And the emergency session can go to hell. And you, you can go to hell too. I wouldn't want you to feel left out!" Londo to Vir Cotto in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "Londo, Londo, why are you doing this?" "Because, we are a race of lunatics and cowards." Vir and Londo in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "Well, unlike me, the Lieutenant Commander takes a while to warm up to people, especially when she's working." Garibaldi to Winters in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "The Earth Alliance can't go around being the galaxy's policemen." The Senator to Sinclair in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "Mr. Garibaldi! Just now, would you really have killed me?" "Yes. Yes, I would've, but I'm just as glad I didn't have to. The paperwork's a pain in the butt." Londo and Garibaldi in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "Had the silly thing in reverse." Duck Dodgers in Babylon 5:"Midnight on the Firing Line" ---- "Always this busy around here?" "Yes. We like it that way." Dr. Franklin and LtCmdr. Ivanova in Babylon 5:"Soul Hunter" ---- Nothing's ever really changed. What difference does it make whether it's the Corporate state or the Nation state? In our struggle for freedom we still find ourselves fighting the state. Jay Terpstra ---- War is one of the scourges with which it has pleased God to afflict men. Cardinal Richelieu ---- Do not speak harshly to any one; those who are spoken to will answer thee in the same way. Angry speech is painful: blows for blows will touch thee. Buddha, The Dharmapada ---- I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be. Douglas Adams ---- Love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself. Saint Exupery ---- "Um amigo de verdade não é aquele que separa uma briga sua e sim aquele que chega dando voadora." "a true friend is not that one that separates to one fight its and yes that one that arrives giving flying." ---- one thing with open source is, you can't criticize it, because they'll only tell you to make it better ---- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... ---- Anarchy, n. Other peoples freedom. ---- Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind. ---- Blonde is not a hair color, it is a state of mind. ---- Life was simple before World War II. After that, we had systems. Grace Hopper (1906-1992) ---- Nobody believed that I had a running compiler and nobody would touch it. They told me computers could only do arithmetic. Grace Hopper (1906-1992) ---- A ship in port is safe; but that is not what ships are built for. Grace Hopper (1906-1992) ---- The wonderful thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. Grace Hopper (1906-1992), in Computer Networks, 1st. ed (1981) ---- "But Grace, then anyone will be able to write programs!" Said to Grace Hopper regarding COBOL ---- Don't take life too seriously: it isn't permanent. ---- I meant what I said and I said what I meant . . . An elephant's faithful One hundred percent. Dr. Seuss (1904 - 1991), Horton Hatches the Egg (1940) ---- Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them. Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel) (1904 - 1991) ---- Every time you make something idiot-proof, some bastard re-invents the idiot! ---- Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. ---- Give me ambiguity or give me something else. ---- Have a nice day, somewhere else. ---- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. ---- I'm having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I have forgotten this before! ---- I'm not as stupid as you look. ---- I'm on top of the world and afraid of heights. ---- I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. ---- I don't have an attitude problem: you have a perception problem! ---- I don't need your attitude, I have one of my own! ---- "I must do something" will always solve more problems than "Something must be done". ---- I think, therefore I am wrong. ---- If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', what is the opposite of 'progress'? Mark Twain ---- If the left half of the brain controls the right hand, and the right half the left, than left-handed people are the only ones in their right minds. ---- If the sheep vote, then so must the wolves. ---- If voting changed anything it would be illegal. ---- If winners never quit, and quitters never win, what loser came up with quit while you're ahead? ---- If you can't appreciate it, You don't deserve it. ---- If you cannot win, make the one ahead of you break the record. ---- If you don't like relationships that end, why start them in the first place? ---- In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present. ---- In the entire history of the world, nobody ever washed a rented car. ---- It's been a long week today. ---- It's hard to answer what's wrong... when nothing is right. ---- It's mind over matter. You don't mind, it don't matter. ---- It doesn't matter whether you view the glass as half full or half empty, there's still only half a glass worth's there. ---- It is not ignorance that is the problem, but the illusion of knowledge. ---- Life is a sexually transmitted disease. ---- Never mess up an apology with an excuse. ---- Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living and the other helps you make a life. ---- Nine women cannot deliver a baby in one month. F.P. Brooks, The Mythical Man-Month: Essays on Software Engineering ---- No one's perfect; well there was this one guy, but we killed him. ---- Nothing is right in my left brain, nothing is left in my right brain. ---- People say I shouldn't frown because it uses more muscles than smiling. Then I point out that Americans need their exercise. ---- Pessimists are just realist optimists ---- Pray for what you want. Work for what you need. ---- Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write it should be hard to understand. ---- Realists are just pessimists looking for an excuse for themselves. ---- Reality is a poor substitute for my dreams. ---- "Right" or "Wrong" is always dependent on the context. ---- "Should" and "is" are two different things. ---- Should have, would have, could have but didn't. ---- Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. ---- Some people can carry a tune, and others just drag it behind them in the dirt. ---- Someday we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. ---- Sometimes, no matter how much you do, or how much you try, someone will not understand how much you've done until you're gone and they have no one left who actually cares about them, who can look out for them, and who will understand. ---- Tell us what you need and we'll tell you how to get by without it. ---- Temptation is seen from a distance never near. ---- The best defense against logic is ignorance. ---- The glass isn't half empty. It isn't half full. It's just twice the size it should be. ---- The only thing in life achieved without effort is failure. ---- The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire. ---- The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true. ---- There are only 10 types of people in the world; those who understand trinary, those who don't, and those who mistake it for binary. ---- There are three types of people in this world: the ones who can count, and those who can't. ---- There are three types of people in this world: the ones who keep you alive, the ones who would otherwise cause you to die, and the ones who somehow manage to do both at the same time. ---- They may not remember what you said but they will remember how you made them feel. ---- Those who think they know-it-all are very annoying to those of us who do. ---- Violence is not the answer, however it is a pretty good guess. ---- You can please all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time. ---- You ever feel like the world's a giant game of musical chairs and the music has stopped and we're the only ones without chairs? ---- You have such a pretty smile ... it's a shame the things you hide behind it. ---- "Welcome to DALNet! Where the men are men, the women are men, and the teenage girls are undercover FBI Agents!" DALNet IRC Welcome Message ---- First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure Douglas Adams ---- Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of backup tapes hurling down the highway. Andrew Tanenbaum ---- Of course, the best way to get accurate information on Usenet is to post something wrong and wait for corrections. Matthew Austern ---- Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is nothing like Shakespeare. Blair Houghton ---- Will journalling become prevalent in the Unix world at large? Probably not. After all, it's nonstandard. The UNIX-HATERS Handbook (1994) ---- The most horrifying thing about Unix is that, no matter how many times you hit yourself over the head with it, you never quite manage to lose consciousness. It just goes on and on Patrick Sobalvarro ---- Your job is being a professor and researcher: That's one hell of a good excuse for some of the brain-damages of minix. Linus Torvalds to Tanenbaum (author of Minix) ---- VMS is a text-only adventure game. If you win you can use unix. W. Davidson ---- There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence Jeremy S. Anderson ---- Fixing Unix is easier than living with NT. Jonathan Gilpin ---- Linux is only free if your time is worthless. ---- UNIX is an operating system, OS/2 is half an operating system, Windows is a shell, and DOS is a boot partition virus. Peter H. Coffin ---- Always program as if the person who will be maintaining your program is a violent psychopath that knows where you live Martin Golding ---- Do what you think is interesting, do something that you think is fun and worthwhile, because otherwise you won't do it well anyway. Brian Kernighan ---- .HELP SEX: This system is a computer and as such is not able to help with enquiries of this nature. For details on reproduction see the Xerox documentation. Help text from Essex Dec10 ---- Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to measure progress. Some cathedrals took a century to complete. Can you imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long? Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982 ---- I invented it, Bill made it famous David Bradley (wrote the code for Ctrl-Alt-Delete on the IBM PC) ---- Trust The Computer. The Computer is your friend. Paranoia RPG ---- The disadvantage of working over networks is that you can't so easily go into someone else's office and rip their bloody heart out Jim McDonald ---- Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. Steve Wozniak ---- Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest. Isaac Asimov ---- I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them. Isaac Asimov ---- Software is the soul to the lifeless body of the hardware. Ong Lee Shyh ---- Any significant boost in technology could just as easily be a rigged demo. ---- Humans are the best value in computers - where else can you get a non-linear computer weighing only about 160lbs, having a billion binary decision elements, that can be mass-produced by unskilled labour? ---- Heuristics are bug ridden by definition - if they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms. ---- You have a hardware or a software problem service manual for Gestetner 3240 ---- NEVER EVER mess with a PCB jumper you don't understand, even if it's labelled 'SEX AND FREE BEER'. Dave Haynie ---- Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more user-friendly... Their best approach, so far, has been to take all the old brochures, and stamp the words, 'user-friendly' on the cover Bill Gates ---- I don't understand why cheerleaders won't talk to me. Maybe I don't throw five touchdowns against Newport High, but let's see one of those football morons program in assembly language.! Chris Lipe ---- You know you're a geek when... You try to shoo a fly away from the monitor with your cursor. That just happened to me. It was scary. Juuso Heimonen ---- You can create art and beauty with a computer Steven Levy ---- The memory management on the PowerPC can be used to frighten small children. Linus Torvalds ---- When all else fails, read the instructions. L. Iasellio ---- Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. Donald Knuth ---- Error, keyboard not found - press F1 to continue. BIOS system message ---- Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code. ---- Software is like entropy. It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing, and obeys the second law of thermodynamics; i.e. it always increases. Norman R. Augustine ---- Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin. John von Neumann (1951) ---- The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance Robert R. Coveyou, Oak Ridge National Laboratory ---- /* You are not expected to understand this */ comment in the context-switching code of the V6 Unix kernel ---- Premature optimization is the root of all evil C. A. R. Hoare ---- Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. Rich Cook ---- If your computer speaks English, it was probably made in Japan. Alan J. Perlis ---- If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong. Norm Schryer ---- Artificial Intelligence: the art of making computers that behave like the ones in movies. Bill Bulko ---- I have never seen anything fill up a vacuum so fast and still suck. Rob Pike (commenting on the X Window System) ---- Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. Michael Sinz ---- Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. Dick Brandon ---- If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime. ---- As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error Weisert ---- Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later F. Brooks, The Mythical Man-Month ---- A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do Dennis M. Ritchie ---- Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers Tom Lehrer ---- Software Engineering is that part of Computer Science which is too difficult for the Computer Scientist. F. L. Bauer ---- Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it. Seymore Cray (on virtual memory) ---- Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error. ---- Computers do not solve problems, they execute solutions Laurent Gasser ---- Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. Andy Rooney ---- Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software. Arthur C. Clarke ---- Captain Elizabeth Lochley : What the hell is your problem? Michael Garibaldi : For starters, I don't know you, therefore I don't trust you. Captain Elizabeth Lochley : The world is full of people you don't know. Michael Garibaldi : I worry about that all the time. Babylon 5 ---- Captain John Sheridan : Are you trying to cheer me up? Susan Ivanova : No sir, wouldn't dream of it. Captain John Sheridan : Good, I hate being cheered up. Susan Ivanova : In that case we're all going to die slow, agonizing deaths. Captain John Sheridan : Thank you, I feel so much better now. Babylon 5 ---- Susan Ivanova : Always finding good in every situation, Captain? Captain John Sheridan : Absolutely. If I didn't, I might end up like you. Susan Ivanova : Hey, what's that supposed to mean? Did anybody else hear that? Babylon 5 ---- Ambassador Londo Mollari : When I said my quarters were cold, I did not mean, 'Oh, I think it's a little chilly in here, perhaps I'll throw a blanket on the bed.' No, I said it was COLD, as in, 'Oh, my left arm has snapped off like an icicle and shattered on the floor'! This is highly inappropriate, Captain! Captain John Sheridan : You're right. There are several other parts of your body I'd much rather see snapped off. Babylon 5 ---- Dukhat : When others do a foolish thing, you should tell them it is a foolish thing. They can still continue to do it, but at least the truth is where it needs to be. Babylon 5 ---- Kosh Naranek : The avalanche has already started; it is too late for the pebbles to vote. Babylon 5 ---- Susan Ivanova : Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is God. *And*, if this ever happens again, Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out! Babylon 5 ---- Captain Susan Ivanova : Good luck, captain. I think you're about to go where... everyone has gone before. Babylon 5 ---- Ambassador Vir Cotto : Prophecy is a guess that comes true. When it doesn't, it's a metaphor. Babylon 5 ---- Lennier : They trained you well on Minbar. Marcus Cole : They said I had a lot of repressed anger. Lennier : And? Marcus Cole : I'm not repressed anymore! Babylon 5 ---- Elric : As I look at you, Ambasador Mollari, I see a great hand reaching out of the stars. And I hear sounds; the sounds of billions of people calling out your name. Ambassador Londo Mollari : My followers? Elric : Your victims. Babylon 5 ---- Citizen G'Kar : Do you want to be president? Captain John Sheridan : Yes. Citizen G'Kar : Then put your hand on the book and say I do. Captain John Sheridan : I do. Citizen G'Kar : Good, let's eat. Babylon 5 ---- Sinclair : I'm still waiting for an explanation, gentlemen. Ambassador Londo Mollari : Yes, and I'm prepared to give you one, Commander, as soon as the room stops spinning. Sinclair : This station creates gravity by rotation. It never stops spinning. Ambassador Londo Mollari : Well, you begin to see my problem. Babylon 5 ---- Ambassador Londo Mollari : Stop eating that! You don't even know what it is. Citizen G'Kar : Something called..."rice." Ambassador Londo Mollari : Yes. And if it was any good, do you think they would have been standing there, throwing it at people? Babylon 5 ---- Major Krantz : What if we take you with us, put you on trial. Zathras : Zathras not of this time. You take, Zathras die. You leave, Zathras die. Either way, it is bad for Zathras. Babylon 5 ---- Citizen G'Kar : If I take a lamp and shine it toward the wall, a bright spot will appear on the wall. The lamp is our search for truth... for understanding. Too often, we assume that the light on the wall is God, but the light is not the goal of the search, it is the result of the search. The more intense the search, the brighter the light on the wall. The brighter the light on the wall, the greater the sense of revelation upon seeing it. Similarly, someone who does not search - who does not bring a lantern - sees nothing. What we perceive as God is the by-product of our search for God. It may simply be an appreciation of the light... pure and unblemished... not understanding that it comes from us. Sometimes we stand in front of the light and assume that we are the center of the universe - God looks astonishingly like we do - or we turn to look at our shadow and assume that all is darkness. If we allow ourselves to get in the way, we defeat the purpose, which is to use the light of our search to illuminate the wall in all its beauty and in all its flaws; and in so doing, better understand the world around us. Babylon 5 ---- Drazi Ambassador : Captain Sheridan! We thought you were dead! Captain John Sheridan : I was. I'm better now. Babylon 5 ---- Marcus Cole : [after beating someone for information] Its like I always say, you get more with a kind word and a two-by-four than with just a kind word. Babylon 5 ---- Susan Ivanova : Ambassador, do you really want to know what's going on down there? Ambassador Londo Mollari : Yes, absolutely! Susan Ivanova : Boom. Boom boom boom. Boom boom. Boom! Have a nice day! Babylon 5 ---- Citizen G'Kar : With luck, they may never find you, but if they do, you will know pain... Na'Toth #2 : And you will know fear. Citizen G'Kar : And then you will die. Have a pleasant flight. Babylon 5 ---- Lt. Kemmer: I demand you open a channel to Earth at once. Susan Ivanova : I'm a Lieutenant Commander on Earth Force, Major. I don't take demands. If you will request, I will consider it. Lt. Kemmer: Very well, then. I request that you open a channel to Earthdome. Susan Ivanova : Request denied. Have a nice day. Babylon 5 ---- Sinclair : Ready? Delenn : Why is it that your people always ask someone if they are ready right before you are about to do something massively unwise? Sinclair : Tradition. Babylon 5 ---- Captain John Sheridan : Delenn, I have been working up a good mad all day and I am NOT about to let you ruin it by agreeing with me! Babylon 5 ---- Lt. Commander Susan Ivanova : I'll *gain* weight! Dr. Stephen Franklin : At first, yes. Lt. Commander Susan Ivanova : Fine! All my life I've fought against imperialism; now *I'm* the expanding Russian frontier! Dr. Stephen Franklin : Yes, but with very nice borders. Babylon 5 ---- I have decided that suicide is completely out of the question. I refuse to end the suffering of others... No, I must contemplate homicide and end the suffering of one... ME!!! ---- An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad to lie for his country. Sir Henry Wotton ---- The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. Calvin Toffler ---- The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on. Joseph Heller from Catch 22 ---- "People want more. Thought is overrated. Look back at history, my dear Socrates, and you will see that all the powerful ideas that have moved men most were simpleminded and superficial, never deep." Joseph Heller from Catch 22 ---- Man is by nature a political animal. Aristotle , Politics ---- The people who oppose your ideas the most are those who represent the establishment that your ideas will upset. Anthony J. D'Angelo , The College Blue Book ---- Never doubt that a small group of committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead ---- There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why... I dream of things that never were, and ask why not? Robert F. Kennedy ---- All thought is naught but a footnote to Plato. George Santiano ---- The gods too are fond of a joke. Aristotle ---- The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude. William James ---- To find something you can enjoy is far better than finding something you can possess. Glenn Holm ---- Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can, To all the people you can, As long as ever you can. John Wesley ---- To attempt an understanding of Muad'Dib without understanding his mortal enemies, the Harkonnens, is to attempt seeing Truth without knowing Falsehood. It is the attempt to see the Light without knowing Darkness. It cannot be. from "Manual of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are correct. This every sister of the Bene Gesserit knows. To begin your study of the life of Muad'Dib, then, take care that you first place him in his time: born in the 57th year of the Padishah Emperor, Shaddam IV. And take the most special care that you locate Muad'Dib in his place: the planet Arrakis. Do not be deceived by the fact that he was born on Caladan and lived his first fifteen years there. Arrakis, the planet known as Dune, is forever his place. from "Manual of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- There should be a science of discontent. People need hard times and oppression to develop psychic muscles. from "Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- 'Mood? What has mood to do with it? You fight when the necessity arises — no matter the mood! Mood's a thing for cattle or making love or playing the baliset. It's not for fighting.' counsel of Gurney Halleck to young Paul. ---- "Any road followed precisely to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little bit to test that it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain." from "Muad'Dib: Family Commentaries" by the Princess Irulan ---- My father once told me that respect for the truth comes close to being the basis for all morality. "Something cannot emerge from nothing," he said. This is profound thinking if you understand how unstable "the truth" can be. from "Conversations with Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- <_molly_> i only shower when i A: smell, or B: fall into the mudd Does B happen a lot ? Seen on Bash.org - #46712 ---- ( l008com) Hey does anyone know how David Blaine levitates? ( LoganCale) There are two ways. ( LoganCale) One way he's on a cable and they digitally edit it out. ( l008com) no he's on ABC thats not cable Seen on Bash.org - #311282 ---- <|P0SiX|> you version'd me because? Because I wanted to see if you are one of those damn Microsoft OS users. You are, and you shouldn't have any nick that has anything to do with the better OSes (the free, unix-like OSes) because anything affiliated with those OSes are too good for the likes of you to soil <|P0SiX|> [Valin VERSION reply]: mIRC32 v5.41 Seen on Bash.org - #798 ---- Real life should have a fucking search function, or something. I need my socks. Seen on Bash.org - #1660 ---- <+kritical> christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself.. <+Christin1> how do i do that Seen on Bash.org - #3936 ---- Panny: I could sell my soul back to my ex for a computer. RebelPrincess: don't. Panny: I could sell my soul to Microsoft for a computer. RebelPrincess: don't!!!! Seen on Bash.org - #9262 ---- Violence solves everything. If you have a problem that violence doesn't solve, then you're not using enough of it. Seen on Bash.org - #43724 ---- new apples look fairly interesting, but i'd hate to buy into something that is going to CRASH all the time. wecell : What are you using right now? i've always used windows machines. Seen on Bash.org - #16 ---- @(DonoftheDead) They say if you play a Microsoft CD backwards you hear satanic messages. That's nothing, because if you play it forwards it installs Windows. Seen on Bash.org - #83891 ---- On the way home yesterday, I saw a car with a vanity plate that read: LINUX OS I really wished for a truck with a WINDOWS plate to ram it...sadly, no. unfortunately, you'd probably crash before hitting it... Seen on Bash.org - #148121 ---- haha, this screen appeared on my windows that said "time before shutdown: 60 seconds" so i turned the windows clock 2 years backwards and now it says "time before shutdown: 729 days" :D:D i just love windows :D Seen on Bash.org - #227455 ---- * Reddog is now known as You * You have performed an Illegal operation, please Restart Windows * You is now known as Reddog * Desh has quit IRC (Quit: brb gotta restart windows...stupid trillian yelling at me) Seen on Bash.org - #238969 ---- I should burn my windows ME CD no piracy I mean BURN it Seen on Bash.org - #31899 ---- im considering using redhat as my desktop pc its just so much better windows error: OMFG THERZZ AN ERRROR!!111 WTF??!?!?! linux error: hello there, you have an error. here's a detailed list of whats gone wrong and he's how to fix it, would you like some coffee? Seen on Bash.org - #65749 ---- windows 98 is like that drunk uncle that thinks he knows everything and always tries to convince you he was a CIA operative, and when you argue, he gets violent and then passes out. Seen on Bash.org - #14776 ---- whats a good bench mark program? Frag_: deltree /y c:\windows the longer it takes, the slower your computer is (ps, just a joke) uh can i undo deltree? Seen on Bash.org - #2884 ---- well how come it's down for me? and don't say because of windows Does it give an error, or does it say "Unknown Host"? yes ..... YES IS NOT AN ANSWER TO "A OR B?" * Cyan683 sets mode: +i * Ramza was kicked by Cyan683 (Wham! -- Kibou to Hikari no script) * Cyan683 sets mode: -i * Ramza (spoon@anandtech.com) has joined #starmen no? Seen on Bash.org - #36672 ---- krlgol2: Microsoft has also managed to upset women and entire countries. A Spanish-language version of Windows XP, destined for Latin American markets, asked users to select their gender between "not specified," "male" or "bitch," because of an unfortunate error in translation. Seen on Bash.org - #395262 ---- "Windows - when reboot is the only option" ---- DO you who know what we suffer here, do not forget us in your prayers. from Manual of Muad'Dib by the Princess Irulan ---- Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic. from "The Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- "Don't make me laugh Starfleet ... and don't make me pull rank on you either." B'Elanna to Harry, from Star Trek Voyager - ---- "Commander Chakotay was just showing me how to contact my animal guide." Janeway to Torres "I hope you had more success with your animal guide than I had with mine." Torres to Janeway "B'Elanna is the only person I know who tried to kill her animal guide" Chakotay From Star Trek Voyager ---- B'Elanna: "Harry." Harry: "B'Elanna, shouldn't you be in engineering? What are you doing here?" B'Elanna: "Just answer one question, Starfleet. Where is here?" Harry: "What?" B'Elanna: "Where am I?" From Star Trek Voyager ---- "At ease, Ensign, before you sprain something" Janeway, From Star Trek Voyager ---- Oh my God! Are you attemping to DoS me? WTF are you talking about dumb ass I can't get into your MS-DOS Seen at Bash.org - #14 ---- new apples look fairly interesting, but i'd hate to buy into something that is going to CRASH all the time. wecell : What are you using right now? i've always used windows machines. Seen at Bash.org - #16 ---- my band is gonna be called: rage against the answering machine Seen at Bash.org - #30 ---- [17:05] *** D1 sets mode: +o C-Rock oh wait, I was trying to kick you. Seen at Bash.org - #33 ---- Most of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already do. James Harvey Robinson ---- In all things there are three choices: Yes, No & no choice, except in this -- I either choose the truth or I am deceit. Sovereign ---- Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict. William Ellery Channing ---- All we have of freedom -- all we use or know -- This our fathers bought for us, long and long ago. Rudyard Kipling ---- There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it. Cicero ---- Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail. ---- He helps others most, who shows them how to help themselves. A. P. Gouthey ---- While you're saving your face, you're losing your ass. President Lyndon Johnson ---- Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present. Roger Babson ---- Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. Slovenian Proverb ---- Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason. Mark Twain ---- A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer. ---- For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. Bob Wells ---- Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. Confucius , Analects ---- If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write things worth reading about or do things worth writing about. Ben Franklin ---- Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find the right road. Dag Hammarskjold ---- Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven. Yiddish proverb ---- When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them. Confucius, The Confucian Analects ---- A good plan executed today is better than a perfect plan executed at some indefinite point in the future. George S. Patton , General ---- "What's important is not that we can conceive the idea, but that when we actually test it on people you discover it doesn't work... your intuition is wrong." Daniel M. Russell (IBM Almaden / Xerox PARC) ---- Torres: "It may be the warriors who get the glory but it's the engineers who build societies, don't forget that." From Star Trek Voyager 7x10 - Flash And Blood #2 ---- Dying for Amber is easy...but living for something... that's something much more difficult. Bleys from One year leater - The chronicles of Amber, Roger Zelazny ---- Everything seemed hopeless... and then, it got worse. Benedict from One year leater - The chronicles of Amber, Roger Zelazny ---- I'm working on it from time to time. I might even finish it by the end of the year (I just don't know which year:) Alex Michailov - seen on his site http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~avm/Amber.shtml ---- To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them. Hamlet (III.i.64-68) ---- There's something to be said for relatives......it has to be said because it's unprintable! Albert Einstein ---- He who exercises government by means of his virtue may be compared to the north polar star, which keeps its place and all the stars turn towards it. Confucius , The Confucian Analects ---- When people have no other tyrant, their own public opinion becomes one. Edward BulwerLytton ---- There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action. Goethe ---- I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. Confucius ---- He who laughs last is generally the last to get the joke. Terry Cohen ---- It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier, who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protestor to burn the flag. Father Denis Edward O'Brien, USMC ---- ugh. I need help with what? I got to the end of a page in this novel i'm reading and I hit the "page down" button on my keyboard. hahaha you need to read things not one the screen and when the page didn't turn, I got pissed and grabbed the mouse and was like where's the damn scroll bar" and then I realized...."you're reading a book. let the mouse go." Seen at Bash.org - #34066 ---- <@Exor[B-AFK]> yeah apparently a teacher in britain was arrested. on him they found a pencil, eraser, ruler, protractor and compass. They said he was part of the Al Gebra network, and that he had weapons of math instruction! <@Exor[B-AFK]> HA HA. * Exor[B-AFK] shoots self Seen at Bash.org - #98701 ---- (Skyler) Alright (Skyler) Everyone ready? *** rarrzeroEXE (Hat@1Cust73.tnt3.seymour.in.da.uu.net) Quit (cosmos.esper.net chocobo.esper.net) *** IAN6990 (XX2IAN2XX@AC98EF09.ipt.aol.com) Quit (cosmos.esper.net chocobo.esper.net) *** Silence (Silence@AC8274C2.ipt.aol.com) Quit (cosmos.esper.net chocobo.esper.net) *** Valefor (Valefor@pppta13-471.ght.iadfw.net) Quit (cosmos.esper.net chocobo.esper.net) *** Flashfire (flashfire.@80.192.168.143) Quit (cosmos.esper.net chocobo.esper.net) *** aminal (rah@12-238-242-19.client.attbi.com) Quit (cosmos.esper.net chocobo.esper.net) *** Lani (Lani930@12-248-25-241.client.attbi.com) Quit (cosmos.esper.net chocobo.esper.net) (Comic-San) .... Seen at Bash.org - #23272 ---- his_madjesty: hey, I wake up in the middle of the night for all sorts of reasons. his_madjesty: mostly to get up off the computer chair and go to bed. Seend at Bash.org - #448646 ---- Calvin: "Any monsters under my bed tonight ?!" Monster: "NOPE!" "NO!" "UHUH" Calvin: "Well there'd better NOT be! I'd hate to have to torch one with my flame thrower!" Hobbes: "You have a flame thrower ??" Calvin: "They lie I lie" From CCalvin and Hobbes ---- The man who comes with a tale about others has himself an ax to grind. Chinese proverb ---- The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid. Art Spander ---- Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Carl Zwanzig ---- looks like microsoft is extending http HTTP 403.9 - Access Forbidden: Too many users are connected Internet Information Services that must be visual http++ Seen at Bash.org - 764 ---- how you like my new name? it stinks Seen at Bash.org - 15614 ---- theres a fatal error between the keyboard and the back of the chair Norton Crashguard had to shut downthe chair. all unsaved comfort settings have been lost hit any user to continue Seen at Bash.org - 30248 ---- * peer stares at CCOutlaw[fagitz] *** Quits: CCOutlaw[fagitz] (outlawtorn@FFChat-24919.ipt.aol.com) (Connection reset by peer) :D Seen at Bash.org - 36905 ---- i think they need to get out and meet some people Hey, I won't allow that kind of talk in here. Seen at Bash.org - 53321 ---- Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. Thomas A. Edison ---- If you obey all of the rules, you miss all of the fun. Katherine Hepburn ---- If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I must be a genius. Larry Leissner ---- I am not one who was born in the possession of knowledge; I am one who is fond of antiquity, and earnest in seeking it there. Confucius , The Confucian Analects ---- Doubt is not a pleasant condition but certainty is an absurd one. Voltaire ---- "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far" Theodore Roosevelt ---- Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. H. L. Mencken ---- The question is not, can they reason? Nor, can they talk? But, can they suffer? Jeremy Bentham ---- Never cut what you can untie. Joseph Joubert ---- I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. Wilson Mizner ---- More appealing than knowledge itself is the feeling of knowledge. Daniel J. Boorstin ---- A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. Wilson Mizner ---- A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. Wilson Mizner ---- Always be nice to people on the way up; because you'll meet the same people on the way down. Wilson Mizner ---- If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research. Wilson Mizner ---- Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time. Wilson Mizner ---- Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic ---- just eat all the people on your way up, cause they will eat your heart out on your way down Quaqua ---- The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination Elim Garak ---- Treason, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder Elim Garak ---- I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma Winston Churchill ---- If you think of yourselves as helpless and ineffectual, it is certain that you will create a despotic government to be your master. The wise despot, therefore, maintains among his subjects a popular sense that they are helpless and ineffectual. Frank Herbert , The Dosadi Experiment ---- "Why do you test for humans?" he asked. "To set you free." "Free?" "Once men turned their thinking over to machines in hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them." "Thou shalt not make a machine in the likeness of a man's mind," Paul quoted. "Right out of the Butlerian Jihad and the Orange Catholic Bible," she said. From Dune ---- Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance. ---- Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide. Napoleon I ---- If we are to go forward, we must go back and rediscover those precious values -- that all reality hinges on moral foundations and that all reality has spiritual control. Martin Luther King, Jr. ---- ** WARNING: USE OF THIS ALPHA RELEASE MAY INFEST YOUR HOUSE WITH ** ** TERMITES, ROT YOUR TEETH, GROW HAIR ON YOUR PALMS, AND PASTE ** ** INNUENDO INTO YOUR C.V. RIGHT BEFORE A JOB INTERVIEW! ** ** DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU, MAN. WE TOTALLY DID RIGHT HERE. ** Seen at media-wiki released notes ---- "No. We have to stay here and there's a simple reason why. Ask ten different scientists about the environment, population control, genetics and you'll get ten different answers, but there's one thing every scientist on the planet agrees on. Whether it happens in a hundred years or a thousand years or a million years, eventually our Sun will grow cold and go out. When that happens, it won't just take us. It'll take Marilyn Monroe and Lao-Tzu, Einstein, Morobuto, Buddy Holly, Aristophanes .. and all of this .. all of this was for nothing unless we go to the stars." Commander Sinclair, Babylon 5 "Infection" ---- Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without notice. Will Durant ---- It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses. William Arthur Ward ---- "I/O, I/O, It's off to disk I go, to read or write a bit or byte. I/O, I/O, I/O" ---- "There are only 10 types of people in this world. Those who know ternary, those who don't and those who confuse it with binary." ---- "Before software can be reusable it first has to be usable." Ralph Johnson ---- Software is like entropy. It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing, and obeys the second law of thermodynamics; i.e., it always increases. Norman R. Augustine ---- "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want." Computer analyst to programmer ---- The hardest thing is to go to sleep at night, when there are so many urgent things needing to be done. A huge gap exists between what we know is possible with today's machines and what we have so far been able to finish. Donald Knuth ---- "... the psychological profiling [of a programmer] is mostly the ability to shift levels of abstraction, from low level to high level. To see something in the small and to see something in the large." An interview with Donald Knuth (http://home.hccnet.nl/h.vink/lead.htm). Dr. Dobb's Journal, pages 16-22, April 1996 ---- Science is what we understand well enough to explain to a computer. Art is everything else we do. Donald Knuth - Foreword to the book A=B ---- Any inaccuracies in this index may be explained by the fact that it has been sorted with the help of a computer. Donald Knuth - "Sorting and Searching" ---- Premature optimization is the root of all evil (or at least most of it) in programming. Donald Knuth - "Computer Programming as an Art" 1974 Turing Award lecture ---- "The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable language." Donald Knuth ---- "... in fact what I would like to see is thousands of computer scientists let loose to do whatever they want. That's what really advances the field." Donald Knuth ---- A list is only as strong as its weakest link. Donald Knuth ---- "An algorithm must be seen to be believed." Donald Knuth ---- Fiona: "You didn't slay the dragon?" Shrek: "It's on my to-do list." From Shrek ---- Donkey: "Are we there yet?" Shrek: "Yes." Donkey: "Really?" Shrek: "NOOOO!" From Shrek 2 ---- Puss in Boots: "STOP Ogre! I have misjudged you." Shrek: "Join the club, we have jackets." From Shrek 2 ---- A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it. 1500 years ago, everyone knew that the Earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everyone knew that the Earth was flat. 15 minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll "know" tomorrow. Agent K - Man In Black ---- Gentlemen, congratulations. You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training. Agent Z - Man In Black ---- "War is good for business." 34th Rule of Acquisition "Peace is good for business." 35th Rule of Acquisition Faringi rules of Acquisition - Star Trek ---- The purpose of war is to support your government's decisions by force. Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers ---- The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action. Frank Herbert ---- The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein ---- Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. John Lehman ---- It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. Groucho Marx ---- I don't have a C compiler on my system. How can I compile perl? Since you don't have a C compiler, you're doomed and your vendor should be sacrificed to the Sun gods. But that doesn't help you. Seen at perldoc ---- A poor workman blames his tools. ---- You can't grease a "pig" so many times that he can't be greased one more time. ---- You lose some... and you win some... and some you don't even bother to play ---- You need to bait the hook to catch the fish. ---- You'll always miss 100% of the [basketball] shots you don't take. ---- You have to crawl before you can walk. ---- You can't milk a cow with your hands in your pants. ---- You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs. ---- You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink ---- You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. ---- Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere ---- Wide ears and short tongue are the best. ---- Why pay for the cow when the milk is free?" ---- Who keeps company with the wolves, will learn to howl. ---- While the cat is away, the mice will play. ---- When in Rome do as the Romans do. ---- Fortunes exist among leftovers. ---- It's easier to make it than thinking about it. ---- Any training school for free citizens must begin by teaching distrust, not trust. It must teach questioning, not acceptance of stock answers. From Dune: House Corrino, Cammar Pilru ---- Facts mean nothing when they are preempted by appearence. Do not underestimate the power of impression over reality. From Dune: House Harkonnen, Crown Prince Raphael Corrino ---- Discovery is dangerous but so is life. A man unwilling to take risk is doomed never to learn, never to grow, never to live. From Dune: House Harkonnen, Planetologist Pardot Kynes ---- There's no secret to balance. You just have to feel the waves. From Darwi Odrade, Dune - Chapterhouse ---- When you think to take determination of your fate into your own hands, that is the moment you can be crushed. Be cautious. Allow for surprises. When we create, there are always other forces at work. From Darwi Odrade, Dune - Chapterhouse ---- Intelligence takes chance with limited data in an arena where mistakes are not only possible but also necessary. From Darwi Odrade, Dune - Chapterhouse ---- Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty. From The Coda, Dune - Chapterhouse ---- We witness a passing phase of eternity. Important things happen but some people never notice. Accidents intervene. You are not present at episodes. You depend on reports. And people shutter their minds. What good are reports? History in a news account? Preselected at an editorial conference, digested and excreted by prejudice? Accounts you need seldom come from those who make history. Diaries, memoirs and autobiographies are subjective forms of special pleading. Archives are crammed with such suspect stuff. From Darwi Odrade, Dune - Chapterhouse ---- Enter no conflict against fanatics unless you can defuse them. Oppose a religion with another religion only if your proofs (miracles) are irrefutable or if you can mesh in a way that the fanatics accept you as god-inspired. From Missionaria Protectiva, Primary Teaching, Dune - Chapterhouse ---- No sweeteners will cloak some forms of bitterness. If it tastes bitter, spit it out. That's what our earliest ancestors did. From The Coda, Dune - Chapterhouse ---- "In a world full surrounded by Windows, we're handing out rocks" BeOS Radio ---- "Rip. Mix. Burn" Apple Computer ---- You can't appreciate Shakespeare until you've read him in the original Klingon General Chang (Star Trek VI) ---- Please Captain, not in front of the Klingons. Spock, to Kirk (Star Trek V) ---- Humour. It is a difficult concept Saavik (Star Trek II) ---- I was out saving the galaxy when your grandfather was in diapers Kirk - Generations ---- You say history considers me dead. Who am I to argue with history? Kirk - Generations ---- Geordi: "Data... I made that joke seven years ago" Data: "I know.... I just got it!" From Generations ---- Normal is what everyone else is and you are not. Dr. Soran, to Geordi ---- Rumours of my assimilation have been greatly exagerrated Picard - First Contact ---- Do I annoy you? Dr. Bashir, Deep Space Nine, The Storyteller ---- The Borg wouldn't know fun if they assimilated an amusement park. B'Elanna Torres, Voyager ---- Truth is an excuse for the lack of imagination. Garak, Deep Space Nine ---- Sometimes it's possible to make no mistakes and still lose. It is not a weakness. It is life. Jean-Luc Picard, Next Generation, Peak Performance ---- I can't disappear any more than you could win a beauty contest. Q to Worf, Next Generation, ("Deja Q") ---- The one place where money come before work is in the dictionary ---- Mal: "We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so...very...pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die." serenity, parts 1 & 2, From Firefly ---- Mal: "I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful." (he smiles at her, never stopping working) "Sometimes you just wanna duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month." serenity, parts 1 & 2, From Firefly ---- Mal: "If anyone gets nosy, just...you know... shoot 'em. " Zoe: "Shoot 'em?" Mal: "Politely." serenity, parts 1 & 2, From Firefly ---- Book: "I brought you some supper but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped...sin and hellfire... one has lepers." serenity, parts 1 & 2, From Firefly ---- Jayne: "Testing, testing. Captain, can you hear me?" Mal: "I'm standing right here." Jayne: "You're coming through good and loud." Mal: " 'Cause I'm standing right here." serenity, parts 1 & 2, From Firefly ---- Mal: "Well, you were right about this being a bad idea." Zoe: "Thanks for sayin', sir." serenity, parts 1 & 2, From Firefly ---- yo yo yo, sup my niggas? your not black how do you know that? I hacked your webcam, and now I can see you yeah right you cant do that I can and I did. ok then what color hair do I have Hmmm, let me zoom in a bit. Blonde, and you are white, about 6' 2", your room has an emenim poster and your bedspread is yellow and blue. holy fuck man im telling the cops Quits: {billyblacktop} (billyb@235.253.473.232) (Quit:) LMAO, that was a friend of mine, I just set up his comp today, and showed him mirc, he doesnt know my nick, what a fat tool!!! A fat tool indeed. Seen at Bash.org - #16564 ---- there's something like awk in perl? Seen at Bash.org - #75470 ---- Some ideas are so stupid that only intellectuals could believe them. George Orwell ---- If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend six sharpening my ax. Abraham Lincoln ---- There is nothing wrong with the software that rm won't cure. Arnie Romo ---- Think big. Pollute the Mississippi. ---- There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes. ---- The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it. Glaser and Way ---- The Jewel of Judgement, Dworkin's text editor. And people complain about having to learn vi! ---- The Jewel of Judgement, Dworkin's text editor. And you thought Emacs had a lot of options. ---- The Jewel of Judgement, Dworkin's operating system. And people complain about Unix having weird command names! ---- /earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can. ---- Windows Error 004 -- Operator Fell Asleep While Waiting ---- We are Microsoft... OS/2 is irrelevant. UNIX is irrelevant. Openness is futile. Prepare to be assimilated. ---- Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere. ---- Drive defensively. Buy a tank. ---- "We are all individuals. We are all individuals. We are all individuals..." ---- Monday, n.: In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" ---- Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance. ---- "To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition." Woody Allen ---- CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh.. ---- A cult is a religion with no political power. Tom Wolfe ---- C Code. C Code run. Run, Code, RUN! ---- Paranoia is what the lazy call wisdom. ---- Remember -- we're only simulating logic. ---- The only acting you ever see at the Oscars is when people act like they're not mad they lost. Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide, she should have won an Emmy at the Oscars for her great performance. I was like, 'If you'd done that in the movie, you'd have won an Oscar, girl! Chris Rock ---- You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Chris Rock ---- A man commented to his lunch companion: "My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire." "You're lucky," sighed the companion. "My wife dreams that in the daytime." Sam Ewing ---- The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. Albert Einstein ---- If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. Albert Einstein ---- Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. Albert Einstein ---- The politicians don't just want your money. They want your soul. They want you to be worn down by taxes until you are dependent and helpless. When you subsidize poverty and failure, you get more of both. James Dale Davidson ---- For every problem there is a solution which is simple, clean and wrong. Henry Louis Mencken ---- The average man doesn't want to be free. He wants to be safe. Henry Louis Mencken ---- I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone. Henry Louis Mencken ---- The trouble with Communism is the Communists, just as the trouble with Christianity is the Christians Henry Louis Mencken ---- A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. Henry Louis Mencken ---- The objection to Puritans is not that they try to make us think as they do, but that they try to make us do as they think Henry Louis Mencken ---- Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. Henry Louis Mencken ---- I believe that religion, generally speaking, has been a curse to mankind - that its modest and greatly overestimated services on the ethical side have been more than overcome by the damage it has done to clear and honest thinking Henry Louis Mencken ---- The only really happy folk are married women and single men. Henry Louis Mencken ---- The plain truth is that I am not a fair man, and don't want to hear both sides Henry Louis Mencken ---- It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. Henry Louis Mencken ---- History deals mainly with captains and kings, gods and prophets, exploiters and despoilers, not with useful men Henry Louis Mencken ---- Very few of us are what we seem. Agatha Christie ---- Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that's no reason not to give it Agatha Christie ---- But surely for everything you love you have to pay some price Agatha Christie ---- Never do anything yourself that others can do for you. Agatha Christie ---- Curious things, habits. People themselves never knew they had them. Agatha Christie ---- Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody. Agatha Christie ---- It is completely unimportant. That is why it is so interesting! Agatha Christie ---- Too much mercy... often resulted in further crimes which were fatal to innocent victims who need not have been victims if justice had been put first and mercy second. Agatha Christie ---- I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Douglas Adams ---- I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams ---- It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. Douglas Adams ---- The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. Douglas Adams ---- Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. Douglas Adams ---- You live and learn. At any rate, you live. Douglas Adams ---- Value your words. Each one may be the last. Stanislaw J. Lec ---- In a war of ideas it is people who get killed. Stanislaw J. Lec ---- The first condition of immortality is death. Stanislaw J. Lec ---- Advice to writers: Sometimes you just have to stop writing. Even before you begin. Stanislaw J. Lec ---- The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool. Jane Wagner ---- random girl: hey! me: ...hi? me: who is this? random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace random girl: ur hot me: thanks random girl: np me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her me: what should I do? random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing me: oh alright me: I have to go me: my mom is kicking me off me: bye Seen at Bash.org, #520670 ---- The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand Frank Herbert ---- I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. Frank Herbert, Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear, "Dune" ---- A process cannot be understood by stopping it. Understanding must move with the flow of the process, must join it and flow with it. Frank Herbert, Dune (First Law of Mentat) ---- They're trained to believe, not to know. Belief can be manipulated. Only knowledge is dangerous. Dune Messiah ---- "What do you despise? By this are you truly known." Frank Herbert (1920-1986) from Dune, Manual of Muad Dib by Princess Irulan ---- "People need hard times and oppression to develop psychic muscles." Frank Herbert (1920-1986), from Dune ---- Thus spoke St. Alia-of-the-Knife: "The Reverend Mother must combine the seductive wiles of a courtesan with the untouchable majesty of a virgin goddess, holding these attributes in tension so long as the powers of her youth endure. For when youth and beauty have gone, she will find that the place-between, once occupied by tension, has become a wellspring of cunning and resourcefulness." from "Muad'Dib, Family Commentaries" by the Princess Irulan ---- You have read that Muad'Dib had no playmates his own age on Caladan. The dangers were too great. But Muad'Dib did have wonderful companion-teachers. There was Gurney Halleck, the troubadour-warrior. You will sing some of Gurney's songs as you read along in this book. There was Thufir Hawat, the old Mentat Master of Assassins, who struck fear even into the heart of the Padishah Emperor. There were Duncan Idaho, the Swordmaster of the Ginaz; Dr. Wellington Yueh, a name black in treachery but bright in knowledge; the Lady Jessica, who guided her son in the Bene Gesserit Way, and--of course--the Duke Leto, whose qualities as a father have long been overlooked. from "A Child's History of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- How do we approach the study of Muad'Dib's father? A man of surpassing warmth and surprising coldness was the Duke Leto Atreides. Yet, many facts open the way to this Duke: his abiding love for his Bene Gesserit lady; the dreams he held for his son; the devotion with which men served him. You see him there--a man snared by Destiny, a lonely figure with his light dimmed behind the glory of his son. Still, one must ask: What is the son but an extension of the father? from "Muad'Dib, Family Commentaries" by the Princess Irulan ---- With the Lady Jessica and Arrakis, the Bene Gesserit system of sowing implant-legends through the Missionaria Protectiva came to its full fruition. The wisdom of seeding the known universe with a prophecy pattern for the protection of B.G. personnel has long been appreciated, but never have we seen a condition-utextremis with more ideal mating of person and preparation. The prophetic legends had taken on Arrakis even to the extent of adopted labels (including Reverend Mother, canto and respondu, and most of the Shari-a panoplia propheticus). And it is generally accepted now that the Lady Jessica's latent abilities were grossly underestimated. from "Analysis: The Arrakeen Crisis" by the Princess Irulan ---- "Yueh! Yueh! Yueh!" goes the refrain. "A million deaths were not enough for Yueh!" from "A Child's History of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- Many have marked the speed with which Muad'Dib learned the necessities of Arrakis. The Bene Gesserit, of course, know the basis of this speed. For the others, we can say that Muad'Dib learned rapidly because his first training was in how to learn. And the first lesson of all was the basic trust that he could learn. It's shocking to find how many people do not believe they can learn, and how many more believe learning to be difficult. Muad'Dib knew that every experience carries its lesson. from "The Humanity of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- What had the Lady Jessica to sustain her in her time of trial? Think you carefully on this Bene Gesserit proverb and perhaps you will see: "Any road followed precisely to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just a little to test that it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain." from "Muad'Dib: Family Commentaries" by the Princess Irulan ---- It is said that the Duke Leto blinded himself to the perils of Arrakis, that he walked heedlessly into the pit. Would it not be more likely to suggest he had lived so long in the presence of extreme danger he misjudged a change in its intensity? Or is it possible he deliberately sacrificed himself that his son might find a better life? All evidence indicates the Duke was a man not easily hoodwinked. from "Muad'Dib: Family Commentaries" by the Princess Irulan ---- Over the exit of the Arrakeen landing field, crudely carved as though with a poor instrument, there was an inscription that Muad'Dib was to repeat many times. He say it that first night on Arrakis, having been brought to the ducal command post to participate in his father's first full staff conference. The words of the inscription were a plea to those leaving Arrakis, but they fell with dark import on the eyes of a boy who had just escaped a close brush with death. They said: "O you who know what we suffer here, do not forget us in your prayers." from "Manual of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- On that first day when Muad'Dib rode through the streets of Arrakeen with his family, some of the people along the way recalled the legends and the prophecy and they ventured to shout: "Mahdi!" But their shout was more a question than a statement, for as yet they could only hope he was the one foretold as the Lisan al-Gaib, the Voice from the Outer World. Their attention was focused, too, on the mother, because they had heard she was a Bene Gesserit and it was obvious to them that she was like the other Lisan al-Gaib. from "Manual of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- "There is probably no more terrible instant of enlightenment than the one in which you discover your father is a man--with human flesh." from "Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- My father, the Padishah Emperor, took me by the hand one day and I sensed in the ways my mother had taught me that he was disturbed. He led me down the Hall of Portraits to the ego-likeness of the Duke Leto Atreides. I marked the strong resemblance between them--my father and this man in the portrait--both with thin, elegant faces and sharp features dominated by cold eyes. "Princess-daughter," my father said, "I would that you'd been older when it came time for this man to choose a woman." My father was 71 at the time and looking no older than the man in the portrait, and I was but 14, yet I remember deducing in that instant that my father secretly wished the Duke had been his son, and disliked the political necessities that made them enemies. "In My Father's House" by the Princess Irulan ---- Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent. It depends in part upon the myth-making imagination of humankind. The person who experiences greatness must have a feeling for the myth he is in. He must reflect what is projected upon him. And he must have a strong sense of the sardonic. This is what uncouples him from belief in his own pretensions. The sardonic is all that permits him to move within himself. Without this quality, even occasional greatness will destroy a man. from "Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- "There is no escape--we pay for the violence of our ancestors." from "The Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- Do you wrestle with dreams? Do you contend with shadows? Do you move in a kind of sleep? Time has slipped away. Your life is stolen. You tarried with trifles, Victim of your folly. Dirge for Jamis on the Funeral Plain, from "Songs of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- There is a legend that the instant the Duke Leto Atreides died a meteor streaked across the skies above his ancestral palace on Caladan. the Princess Irulan: "Introduction to A Child's History of Muad'Dib" ---- O Seas of Caladan, O people of Duke Leto-- Citadel of Leto fallen, Fallen forever... from "Songs of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- When my father, the Padishah Emperor, heard of Duke Leto's death and the manner of it, he went into such a rage as we had never before seen. He blamed my mother and the compact forced on him to place a Bene Gesserit on the throne. He blamed the Guild and the evil old Baron. He blamed everyone in sight, not excepting even me, for he said I was a witch like all the others. And when I sought to comfort him, saying it was done according to an older law of self-preservation to which even the most ancient rulers gave allegiance, he sneered at me and asked if I thought him a weakling. I saw then that he had been aroused to this passion not by concern over the dead Duke but by what that death implied for all royalty. As I look back on it, I think there may have been some prescience in my father, too, for it is certain that his line and Muad'Dib's shared common ancestry. from "In My Father's House," by the Princess Irulan ---- Muad'Dib could indeed, see the Future, but you must understand the limits of this power. Think of sight. You have eyes, yet cannot see without light. If you are on the floor of a valley, you cannot see beyond your valley. Just so, Muad'Dib could not always choose to look across the mysterious terrain. He tells us that a single obscure decision of prophecy, perhaps the choice of one word over another, could change the entire aspect of the future. He tells us "The vision of time is broad, but when you pass through it, time becomes a narrow door." And always, he fought the temptation to choose a clear, safe course, warning "That path leads ever down into stagnation." from "Arrakis Awakening" by the Princess Irulan ---- At the age of fifteen, he had already learned silence. from "A Child's History of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- We came from Caladan--a paradise world for our form of life. There existed no need on Caladan to build a physical paradise or a paradise of the mind--we could see the actuality all around us. And the price we paid was the price men have always paid for achieving a paradise in this life.--we went soft, we lost our edge. from "Muad'Dib: Conversations" by the Princess Irulan ---- Family life of the Royal Creche is difficult for many people to understand, but I shall try to give you a capsule view of it. My father had only one real friend, I think. That was Count Hasimir Fenring, the genetic-eunuch and one of the deadliest fighters in the Imperium. The Count, a dapper and ugly little man, brought a new slave-concubine to my father one day and I was dispatched by my mother to spy on the proceedings. All of us spied on my father as a matter of self-protection. One of the slave-concubines permitted my father under the Bene Gesserit-Guild agreement could not, of course, bear a Royal Successor, but the intrigues were constant and oppressive in their similarity. We became adept, my mother and sisters and I, at avoiding subtle instruments of death. It may seem a dreadful thing to say, but I'm not at all sure my father was innocent in all these attempts. A Royal Family is not like other families. Here was a new slave-concubine, then, red-haired like my father, willowy and graceful. She had a dancer's muscles, and her training obviously had included neuro-enticement. My father looked at her for a long time as she postured unclothed before him. Finally he said: "She is too beautiful. We will save her as a gift." You have no idea how much consternation this restraint created in the Royal Creche. Subtlety and self-control were, after all, the most deadly threats to us all. "In My Father's House" by the Princess Irulan ---- This Fremen religious adaptation, then, is the source of what we now recognize as "The Pillars of the Universe," whose Qizara Tafwid are among us all with signs and proofs and prophecy. They bring us the Arrakeen mystical fusion whose profound beauty is typified by the stirring music built on the old forms, but stamped with the new awakening. Who has not heard and been deeply moved by "The Old Man's Hymn"? I drove my feet through a desert Whose mirage fluttered like a host. Voracious for glory, greedy for danger, I roamed the horizons of al-Kulab, Watching time level mountains In its search and its hunger for me. And I saw the sparrows swiftly approach, Bolder than the onrushing wolf. They spread in the tree of my youth. I heard the flock in my branches. And was caught on their beaks and claws! from "Arrakis Awakening" by the Princess Irulan ---- Prophecy and prescience--How can they be put to the test in the face of the unanswered questions? Consider: How much is actual prediction of the "wave form" (as Muad'Dib referred to his vision-image) and how much is the prophet shaping the future to fit the prophecy? What of the harmonics inherent in the act of prophecy? Does the prophet see the future or does he see a line of weakness, a fault or cleavage that he may shatter with words or decisions as a diamond-cutter shatters his gem with a blow of a knife? "Private Reflections on Muad'Dib" by the princess Irulan ---- The Fremen were supreme in that quality the ancients called "spannungsbogen"--which is the self-imposed delay between desire for a thing and the act of reaching out to grasp that thing. from "The Wisdom of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- My father, the Padishah Emperor, was 72 yet looked no more than 35 the year he encompassed the death of Duke Leto and gave Arrakis back to the Harkonnens. He seldom appeared in public wearing other than a Sardaukar uniform and a Burseg's black helmet with the Imperial lion in gold upon its crest. The uniform was an open reminder of where his power lay. He was not always that blatant, though. When he wanted, he could radiate charm and sincerity, but I often wonder in these later days if anything about him was as it seemed. I think now he was a man fighting constantly to escape the bars of an invisible cage. You must remember that he was an emperor, father-head of a dynasty that reached back into the dimmest history. But we denied him a legal son. Was this not the most terrible defeat a ruler ever suffered? My mother obeyed her Sister Superiors where the Lady Jessica disobeyed. Which of them was the stronger? History already has answered. "In My Father's House" by the Princess Irulan ---- God created Arrakis to train the faithful. from "The Wisdom of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan ---- If you get up one more time than you fall you will make it through. Chinese Proverb ---- The words you speak today should be soft and tender... for tomorrow you may have to eat them. ---- It may be that those who do most, dream most. Stephen Leacock ---- Getting a movie made in Hollywood is like trying to grill a steak by having a succession of people coming into the room and breathing on it. Douglas Adams ---- "Only the skilled can judge the skillfulness, but that is not the same as judging the value of the result." Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963), Source: preface to Paradise Lost. ---- "But how can the characters in a play guess the plot? We are not the playwright, we are not the producer, we are not even the audience. We are on the stage. To play well the scenes in which we are "on" concerns us much more than to guess about the scenes that follow it." Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963), The World's Last Night ---- "I can imagine no man who will look with more horror on the End than a conscientious revolution­ary who has, in a sense sincerely, been justifying cruelties and injustices inflicted on millions of his contemporaries by the benefits which he hopes to confer on future generations: generations who, as one terrible moment now reveals to him, were never going to exist. Then he will see the massacres, the faked trials, the deportations, to be all ineffaceably real, an essential part, his part, in the drama that has just ended: while the future Utopia had never been anything but a fantasy." Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963), The World's Last Night ---- "Christian Apocalyptic offers us no such hope. It does not even foretell, (which would be more tolerable to our habits of thought) a gradual decay. It foretells a sudden, violent end imposed from without; an extinguisher popped onto the candle, a brick flung at the gramophone, a curtain rung down on the play—"Halt!" Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963), The World's Last Night ---- "The doctrine of the Second Coming teaches us that we do not and cannot know when the world drama will end. The curtain may be rung down at any moment: say, before you have finished reading this paragraph." Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963), The World's Last Night ---- "The doctrine of the Second Coming has failed, so far as we are concerned, if it does not make us realize that at every moment of every year in our lives Donne's question "What if this present were the world's last night?" is equally relevant." Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963), The World's Last Night ---- "Frantic administration of panaceas to the world is certainly discouraged by the reflection that "this present" might be "the world's last night"; sober work for the future, within the limits of ordinary morality and prudence, is not." Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963), The World's Last Night ---- "For what comes is Judgment: happy are those whom it finds laboring in their vocations, whether they were merely going out to feed the pigs or laying good plans to deliver humanity a hundred years hence from some great evil. The curtain has indeed now fallen. Those pigs will never in fact be fed, the great campaign against White Slavery or Governmental Tyranny will never in fact proceed to victory. No matter; you were at your post when the Inspection came." Clive Staples Lewis (1898 - 1963), The World's Last Night ---- When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It's going to be decisive. George W. Bush ---- waaayp - We Are Anxiously Awaiting Your Patches Defined by oliebol ---- There is nobody as enslaved as the fanatic, the person in whom one impulse, one value, has assumed ascendancy over all others. Milton R. Sapirstein ---- To see what is right, and not to do it, is want of courage or of principle. Confucius ---- A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. Douglas Adams , Mostly Harmless ---- Anything that happens, happens. Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again. It doesn't necessarily do it in chronological order, though. Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless ---- The history of the Galaxy has got a little muddled, for a number of reasons: partly because those who are trying to keep track of it have got a little muddled, but also because some very muddling things have been happening anyway. Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless ---- A generation which ignores history has no past and no future. Robert Heinlein , The Notebooks of Lazurus Long ---- History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it. Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988), Time Enough for Love (1972) ---- One man's "magic" is another man's engineering. "Supernatural" is a null word. Excerpt from the notebooks of Lazarus Long, from Robert Heinlein's "Time Enough for Love" ---- Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are wiser than one man. How's that again? I missed something. Excerpt from the notebooks of Lazarus Long, from Robert Heinlein's "Time Enough for Love" ---- Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child. Excerpt from the notebooks of Lazarus Long, from Robert Heinlein's "Time Enough for Love" ---- One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. Excerpt from the notebooks of Lazarus Long, from Robert Heinlein's "Time Enough for Love" ---- I've got a twisted sense of humor, and everything amuses me. Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988), Beyond this Horizon ---- Where facts are few, experts are many. Donald R. Gannon ---- Share everything. Don't take things that aren't yours. Put things back where you found them. Robert Fulghum ---- There is hardly anybody good for everything, and there is scarcely anybody who is absolutely good for nothing. Lord Chesterfield ---- It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. Sir Winston Churchill , My Early Life (1930) ---- The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything -- or nothing. Nancy Astor ---- Be wiser than other people, if you can, but do not tell them so. Lord Chesterfield ---- Choose your pleasures for yourself, and do not let them be imposed upon you. Lord Chesterfield ---- Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness; no laziness; no procrastination; never put off till tomorrow what you can do today. Lord Chesterfield ---- Never seem more learned than the people you are with. Wear your learning like a pocket watch and keep it hidden. Do not pull it out to count the hours, but give the time when you are asked. Lord Chesterfield ---- [Common sense] is the best sense I know of. Lord Chesterfield ---- Wit is so shining a quality that everybody admires it; most people aim at it, all people fear it, and few love it unless in themselves. Lord Chesterfield, letter to his godson, December 18, 1765 ---- The knowledge of the world is only to be acquired in the world, and not in a closet. Lord Chesterfield, Letters to His Son, 1746, published 1774 ---- If you are not in fashion, you are nobody. Lord Chesterfield, "Letter to his son", April 30, 1750 ---- An injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult. Lord Chesterfield, Letter to his son, October 9, 1746 ---- Advice is seldom welcome, and those who need it the most, like it the least. Lord Chesterfield ---- Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. Lord Chesterfield ---- Dispatch is the soul of business, and nothing contributes more to Dispatch than Method. Lord Chesterfield ---- You must look into people, as well as at them. Lord Chesterfield ---- Take care in your minutes, and the hours will take care of themselves. Lord Chesterfield ---- Nature has hardly formed a woman ugly enough to be insensible to flattery upon her person. Lord Chesterfield ---- History is a confused heap of facts. Lord Chesterfield ---- Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well. Lord Chesterfield ---- Wear your learning, like a watch, in a private pocket: and do not pull it out and strike it, merely to show that you have one. Lord Chesterfield ---- A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners. Lord Chesterfield ---- The fewer clear facts you have in support of an opinion, the stronger your emotional attachment to that opinion. ---- If we don't change our direction we're likely to end up where we're headed. Chinese Proverb ---- The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. ---- Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there. P. J. O'Rourke , Parliament of Whores (1991) ---- A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. P. J. O'Rourke ---- Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. P. J. O'Rourke ---- Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is. P. J. O'Rourke ---- The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. P. J. O'Rourke ---- Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. P. J. O'Rourke ---- When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. P. J. O'Rourke ---- Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. P.J. O'Rourke, Parliament of Whores ---- There's only one secret to bachelor cooking - not caring how it tastes. P. J. O'Rourke ---- Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs. P. J. O'Rourke ---- I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience." Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel less stupid. P. J. O'Rourke ---- The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. P. J. O'Rourke ---- Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system. P. J. O'Rourke ---- A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too. P. J. O'Rourke ---- After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. P. J. O'Rourke ---- Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. P. J. O'Rourke ---- Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. Scott Adams ---- Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor. Elizabeth I ---- It usually takes a long time to find a shorter way. ---- To be conscious that we are perceiving or thinking is to be conscious of our own existence. Aristotle , Nicomachean Ethics ---- The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. David Russell ---- I'm a soldier, not a diplomat. I can only tell the truth. Kirk, "Errand of Mercy", stardate 3198.9 ---- Morfey is a virus don't add to contacts. ---- "It also makes C++ programmers feel like they know what's going on..." Seen at perlmod.pod ---- A Perl module would prefer that you stay out of its living room because you weren't invited, not because it has a shotgun. Seen at "Programming Perl" book ---- $cnt = $sky =~ tr/*/*/; # count the stars in $sky Seen at "Programming Perl" book ---- WAR IS PEACE FREEDOM IS SLAVERY IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH From 1984 ---- Every age is fed on illusions, lest men should renounce life early and the human race come to an end. Joseph Conrad ---- The wise learn many things from their enemies. Aristophanes , Birds (414 BC) ---- I think the world is run by 'C' students. Al McGuire ---- Where there is an open mind there will always be a frontier. Charles F. Kettering ---- To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle. George Orwell ---- Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right. Laurens Van der Post , The Lost World of the Kalahari (1958) ---- Oppression can only survive through silence. Carmen de Monteflores ---- In order for a war to be just, three things are necessary. First, the authority of the sovereign. Secondly, a just cause. Thirdly, a rightful intention. Saint Thomas Aquinas ---- Never argue with a fool. Someone watching may not be able to tell the difference. ---- Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful. Samuel Johnson ---- They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them. A. A. Milne (Eeyore) , Pooh's Little Instruction Book ---- A man is very apt to complain of the ingratitude of those who have risen far above him. Samuel Johnson English author, critic, & lexicographer (1709 - 1784) ---- "How long does getting thin take?" Pooh asked anxiously. A. A. Milne (1882 - 1956) ---- I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me. A. A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh ---- It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne ---- Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day. Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne ---- A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference. Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne ---- Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake. Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne ---- It's always useful to know where a friend-and-relation is, whether you want him or whether you don't. Rabbit, Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne ---- When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it. Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne ---- People who don't Think probably don't have Brains; rather, they have grey fluff that's blown into their heads by mistake. Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne ---- If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear. Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne ---- You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes. Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne ---- Those who are clever, who have a Brain, never understand anything. Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne ---- Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering. Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne ---- One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. A. A. Milne ---- If one is to be called a liar, one may as well make an effort to deserve the name. A.A. Milne ---- Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world. R. D. Lang ---- * Now talking in #Democrats is anybody here? hmm...everybody's an op, but nobodys doing anything... so im definately in the #democrats channel... Seen on Bash.org - #609999 ---- hey, can you guys just check a site out and tell me if it's up? depends, what is it? just my apache server, it works for me but seems to be down for anyone else alright, what's the address? http://127.0.0.1 ...... ...Yeah, it's up. Seen on Bash.org - #608521 ---- So my friend in school Andrew said he had linux After saying he got mIRC I told him you can't have both, mIRC is a windows Client Then he said he had Linux on his laptop I asked him what Distribution he had, he said wal-mart Seen on Bash.org - #608242 ---- Ive gotta try and write a 17 page letter, but i dont kno what to write Just write 'i am a fish' 400 times no! :P, thats a waste of paper Pfft,Im sick of people saying 'dont waste paper'. If trees wanted to live, they'd all carry guns Seen on Bash.org - #607291 ---- in 1998, i made a C++ program to calculate pi to a billion digits. i coded it on my laptop (pentium 2 i think) and then ran the program. the next day i got a new laptop but decided to keep the program running. it's been over seven years now since i ran it. and this morning it finished calculating. the output: "THE VALUE OF PI TO THE BILLIONTH DIGIT IS = " mindblowing eh? i looked in the code of my program, and i found out that i forgot to output the value :(. Seen on Bash.org - #605501 ---- Geekie: This chick was yelling at me when I was eating chicken nuggets at mcdonalds today. Geekie: Like 'DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO THOSE ANIMAAAAAALS?!?' Geekie: and this guy behind me goes 'Shut the fuck up, I'm trying to eat my puppy-burger. Ashleh: What did she do? Geekie: she stfu. and cried. Seen on Bash.org - #604861 ---- Optimizations always bust things, because all optimizations are, in the long haul, a form of cheating, and cheaters eventually get caught. Larry Wall ---- The strongest is never strong enough to be always the master, unless he transforms strength into right, and obedience into duty. Jean-Jacques Rousseau ---- Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. Aristotle ---- He who cannot be a good follower cannot be a good leader. Aristotle ---- Those that know, do. Those that understand, teach. Aristotle ---- We make war that we may live in peace. Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, bk. 10, ch. 7, sct. 1177b ---- Law is mind without reason. Aristotle ---- What would I do if I had only six months left to live? I'd type faster. Isaac Asimov ---- Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what's right. Isaac Asimov ---- Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Isaac Asimov, Salvor Hardin in "Foundation" ---- Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. Isaac Asimov ---- If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them. Isaac Asimov ---- A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. Douglas Adams, from his book "Mostly Harmless" ---- There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. Douglas Adams ---- The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair. Douglas Adams, from his book "Mostly Harmless" ---- Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. Douglas Adams ---- Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space. Douglas Adams, from his book "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" ---- Humor is just another defense against the universe. Mel Brooks ---- Men willingly believe what they wish. Gaius Julius Caesar, De Bello Gallico ---- I really get a feeling of my increasing geekiness when I read these threads and find them funny. henriquemaia, seen on http://www.ubuntuforums.org/showthread.php?t=201079 ---- There is no such thing as an objective vi vs. emacs comparison because it's hard to be objective when vi is obviously so much better evs-chris, seen on http://www.ubuntuforums.org/showthread.php?t=201079 ---- We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong. Bill Vaughn ---- You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humor teaches them tolerance. W. Somerset Maugham ---- The future is not something we enter. The future is something we create. Leonard I. Sweet ---- One day President Roosevelt told me that he was asking publicly for suggestions about what the war should be called. I said at once 'The Unnecessary War'. Sir Winston Churchill , Second World War (1948) ---- The task of the leader is to get his people from where they are to where they have not been. Henry Kissinger ---- 10. Specifications are for the weak and timid! 9. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand! 8. Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull! 7. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake. 6. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' - and they ALWAYS WIN THEM. 5. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak. 4. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment on his code! 3. Klingon software does NOT have BUGS. It has FEATURES, and those features are too sophisticated for a Romulan pig like you to understand. 2. You cannot truly appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon. 1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are! Top 10 things likely to be overheard from a Klingon Programmer, http://www.annoyances.org/exec/show/article09-205 ---- Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. Frank Dane ---- Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there. Scott Adams (1957 - ) ---- You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. Scott Adams, The Dilbert Future ---- cg_n_inefficient_code=06017_N_Inefficient code % Your statement seems dubious to the compiler. Seen on errore.msg of FreePascal ---- EMacs Asterisk Syntax Highlighting - emacs gurus: yet another proof that vim is the greatest is that there is a VIM syntax highlighting page but no emacs one. Look at the comments below. Seen on http://www.voip-info.org/wiki/view/vim+syntax+highlighting ---- If you lie to the compiler, it will get its revenge. Henry Spencer ---- Trying to outsmart a compiler defeats much of the purpose of using one. Kernighan & Plauger, The Elements of Programming Style. ---- It's hard enough to find an error in your code when you're looking for it; it's even harder when you've assumed your code is error-free. Steve McConnell Code Complete ---- If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. Gerald Weinberg ---- Programming can be fun, so can cryptography; however they should not be combined. Kreitzberg and Shneiderman ---- Testing by itself does not improve software quality. Test results are an indicator of quality, but in and of themselves, they don't improve it. Trying to improve software quality by increasing the amount of testing is like trying to lose weight by weighing yourself more often. What you eat before you step onto the scale determines how much you will weigh, and the software development techniques you use determine how many errors testing will find. If you want to lose weight, don't buy a new scale; change your diet. If you want to improve your software, don't test more; develop better. Steve McConnell Code Complete ---- Once a new technology starts rolling, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road. Stewart Brand ---- The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. Flannery O'Connor ---- Let us change our traditional attitude to the construction of programs. Instead of imagining that our main task is to instruct a computer what to to, let us concentrate rather on explaining to human beings what we want a computer to do. Donald Knuth ---- Be careful about using the following code -- I've only proven that it works, I haven't tested it. Donald Knuth ---- Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind. Donald Knuth ---- "... the designer of a new system must not only be the implementor and the first large-scale user; the designer should also write the first user manual. ... If I had not participated fully in all these activities, literally hundreds of improvements would never have been made, because I would never have thought of them or perceived why they were important. Donald Knuth" ---- Good code is its own best documentation. As you're about to add a comment, ask yourself, 'How can I improve the code so that this comment isn't needed?' Improve the code and then document it to make it even clearer. Steve McConnell Code Complete ---- Success is the happy feeling you get between the time you do something and the time you tell a woman what you did. Dilbet, 2006091116330 ---- ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty. Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Seen at, http://www.moronland.com/moronia/moron/919/ ---- "Open source way of thinking is like "drinks on the house" with the ability to stay on-line after" Adir Vered ---- They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction. Janet Reno ---- I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image. Stephen Hawking ---- If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. Frank Lloyd Wright ---- ining the workforce of tomorrow with today's high schools is like trying to teach kids about today's computers on a 50-year-old mainframe. Bill Gates in 2005 ---- If software were as unreliable as economic theory, there wouldn't be a plane made of anything other than paper that could get off the ground. Jim Fawcette ---- Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork. Sam Ewing ---- If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. "Robert X. Cringely", Computerworld ---- All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can't get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer. 1925 IBM Maintenence Manual ---- Technical people are better off not looking at patents. If somebody sues you, you change the algorithm or you just hire a hit-man to whack the stupid git. Linus Torvalds ---- Considering the current sad state of our computer programs, software development is clearly still a black art, and cannot yet be called an engineering discipline. Bill Clinton ---- At this time I do not have a personal relationship with a computer. Janet Reno ---- For a long time it puzzled me how something so expensive, so leading edge, could be so useless, and then it occurred to me that a computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match. Bill Bryson ---- The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. B. F. Skinner ---- Kirk: Do you want to know something? Everybody's human. Spock: I find that remark insulting. "Star Trek" ---- There's an old story about the person who wished his computer were as easy to use as his telephone. That wish has come true, since I no longer know how to use my telephone. Bjarne Stroustrup ---- I think and think for months and years. Ninety-nine times, the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right. Albert Einstein ---- The first rule of any technology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify the efficiency. The second is that automation applied to an inefficient operation will magnify the inefficiency. Bill Gates ---- See, no matter how clever your automation systems might be, it all falls apart if your human wetware isn't up to the job. Andrew Orlowski ---- That's the thing about people who think they hate computers. What they really hate is lousy programmers. Larry Niven ---- On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog. Peter Steiner ---- Standards are always out of date. That's what makes them standards. Alan Bennett ---- Scotty: She's all yours, sir. All systems automated and ready. A chimpanzee and two trainees could run her! Kirk: Thank you, Mr. Scott, I'll try not to take that personally. Star Trek ---- I just found out that the brain is like a computer. If that's true, then there really aren't any stupid people. Just people running DOS. ---- People sould not fear their governments, governments should fear their people. Seen at /. - http://yro.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=213586&cid=17363716 ---- Before we can start, make sure you have the following: 1. Computer with installed Linux OS 2. Asterisk's installation packages 3. Some free time to spend ;o) 4. An IQ higher than the freezing point of water (in Celsius) Seen at http://www.asteriskguru.com/tutorials/basic_installation_information_asterisk_from_source.html ---- "Sometimes lies were more dependable than the truth." From Ender's Game ---- "The power to cause pain is the only power that matters, the power to kill and destroy, because if you can't kill then you are always subject to those who can, and nothing and no one will ever save you." From Ender's Game ---- "I've lived too long with pain. I won't know who I am without it." Ender Wiggin to Valentine Wiggin, from Ender's Game ---- "I think it's impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves." From Ender's Game ---- [why he attacked a boy who was down] "Knocking him down won the first fight. I wanted to win all the next ones too." From Ender's Game ---- All is going well, very well. I couldn't ask for anything better- So Why do I hate my life? From Ender's Game ---- He had the respect of everyone, and he was treated with deference in his evening practices. Commanders came to study what he did. Other soldiers approached his table at mess and asked permission to sit down. Even the teachers were respectful. He had so much damn respect he wanted to scream. From Ender's Game ---- "I need you to be clever Bean. I need you to think of solutions to problems we haven't seen yet. I want you to try things that no one has ever tried because they're absolutely stupid." From Ender's Game ---- Ender knew at this moment he might be able to walk out of the room and end the battle. But the battle would only be fought again. Again and again until the will to fight was finished. The only way to end things completely was to hurt Bonzo enough that his fear was stronger than his hate. From Ender's Game ---- "I keep thinking of things I don't want to remember. My whole life keeps playing out as if I were a recorder and someone else wanted to watch the most terrible parts of my life." From Ender's Game ---- "We have to go. I'm almost happy here." From Ender's Game ---- It was just him and me. He fought with honor. If it weren't for his honor, he and the others would have beaten me together. They might have killed me, then. His sense of honor saved my life. I didn't fight with honor... I fought to win. From Ender's Game ---- Thank you for this... For dry eyes and silent weeping. You taught me how to hide anything I felt. More than ever, I need that now. From Ender's Game ---- How far should one accept the rules of the society in which one lives? To put it another way: at what point does conformity become corruption? Only by answering such questions does the conscience truly define itself. Kenneth Tynan ---- Think if you want to stay alive. Fear will kill you if you don't control it. Elyas Machera, The Eye of the World ---- You read too much and understand too little. Moiraine Damodred, The Shadow Rising ---- Only the man who could look into the future without worry could thoroughly enjoy the present. ---- There's no patriotism, that's what it is. And no matriotism, either. Catch 22 ---- He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody. Catch 22 ---- iam a phd remember.. i dont have skills! ---- I must admit, kernel developers do a really good job to piss off people, we can't do better. Florian Klaempfl ---- How should I know if it works? That's what beta testers are for. I only coded it Linus Torvalds ---- I'm an idiot.. At least this one [bug] took about 5 minutes to find... Linus Torvalds ---- If you want to travel around the world and be invited to speak at a lot of different places, just write a Unix operating system. Linus Torvalds ---- Really, I'm not out to destroy Microsoft. That will just be a completely unintentional side effect. Linus Torvalds, (NewYork Times interview) ---- An infinite number of monkeys typing into GNU emacs would never make a good program. Linus Torvalds ---- Hey, maybe I could apply for a saint-hood from the Pope. Does somebody know what his email-address is? I'm so nice it makes you puke. Linus Torvalds (taken from Linus's reply to someone worried about the future of Linux) ---- When you say "I wrote a program that crashed Windows", people just stare atyou blankly and say "Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*" Linus Torvalds ---- Other than the fact Linux has a cool name, could someone explain why I should use Linux over BSD? No. That's it. The cool name, that is. We worked very hard on creating a name that would appeal to the majority of people, and it certainly paid off: thousands of people are using linux just to be able to say "OS/2? Hah. I've got Linux. What a cool name". 386BSD made the mistake of putting a lot of numbers and weird abbreviations into the name, and is scaring away a lot of people just because it sounds too technical. Linus Torvalds (Linus Torvalds' follow-up to a question about Linux) ---- The day people think linux would be better served by somebody else (FSF being the natural alternative), I'll "abdicate". I don't think that it's something people have to worry about right now - I don't see it happening in the near future. I enjoy doing linux, even though it does mean some work, and I haven't gotten any complaints (some almost timid reminders about a patch I have forgotten or ignored, but nothing negative so far). Don't take the above to mean that I'll stop the day somebody complains: I'm thick-skinned (Lasu, who is reading this over my shoulder commented that "thick-HEADED is closer to the truth") enough to take some abuse. If I weren't, I'd have stopped developing linux the day ast ridiculed me on c.o.minix. What I mean is just that while linux has been my baby so far, I don't want to stand in the way if people want to make something better of it. Linus Torvalds ---- Intelligence is the ability to avoid doing work, yet getting the work done. Linus Torvalds ---- Narn: "What is truth and what is god?" G'Kar: "Truth is a river. (Narns gasp)" Narn: "And what is god?" G'Kar: "God is the mouth of the river." Babylon 5 ---- "I'm going to f---ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f---ing kill Google. Steve Ballmer, http://www.smh.com.au/news/technology/microsoft-ceo-im-going-to-fing-kill-google/2005/09/03/1125302772214.html ---- Linux is a cancer that attaches itself in an intellectual property sense to everything it touches. Steve Ballmer, Chicago Sun-Times ---- My children - in many dimensions they're as poorly behaved as many other children, but at least on this dimension I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Google, and you don't use an iPod. Steve Ballmer, http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune_archive/2006/04/03/8373041/index.htm ---- We've had DRM in Windows for years. The most common format of music on an iPod is "stolen". Steve Ballmer, http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/10/07/ballmer_doesnt_get_it/ ---- I have never, honestly, thrown a chair in my life. Steve Ballmer, http://www.news.com/Ballmer-Trusting-Vista,-battling-Google/2100-1012_3-5902168.html?tag=nl.caro ---- Google's not a real company. It's a house of cards. Steve Ballmer ---- There's no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance. Steve Ballmer ---- We don't have a monopoly. We have market share. There's a difference. Steve Ballmer ---- DRM is the future. Steve Ballmer ---- Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol. ---- You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. Dean Martin ---- An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. Dylan Thomas ---- Beer is not a good cocktail-party drink, especially in a home where you don't know where the bathroom is. Billy Carter ---- I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy Tom Waits ---- Somebody left the cork out of my lunch W.C. Fields ---- Drinking is a way of ending the day. Ernest Hemingway ---- There was nothing really as glorious as a good beer shit - I mean after drinking twenty or twenty-five beers the night before. The odor of a beer shit like that spread all around and stayed for a good hour-and-a-half. It made you realize that you were really alive. Charles Bukowski ---- I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day Frank Sinatra ---- I drink to make other people interesting George Jean Nathan ---- Propaganda is a soft weapon; hold it in your hands too long, and it will move about like a snake, and strike the other way Jean Anouilh, L'Alouette, 1952 ---- One of the most horrible features of war is that all the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting. George Orwell, Homage to Catalonia, 1938 ---- When any government, or any church for that matter, undertakes to say to its subjects, 'This you may not read, this you must not see, this you are forbidden to know,' the end result is tyranny and oppression, no matter how holy the motives. Mighty little force is needed to control a man whose mind has been hoodwinked; contrariwise, no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything'you can't conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him. Robert A. Heinlein, If This Goes On, 1940 ---- Only the mob and the elite can be attracted by the momentum of totalitarianism itself. The masses have to be won by propaganda Hannah Arendt, The Origins of Totalitarianism, 1951 ---- Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state. Noam Chomsky, Media Control: The Spectacular Achievements of Propaganda, 1997 ---- As societies grow decadent, the language grows decadent, too. Words are used to disguise, not to illuminate, action: You liberate a city by destroying it. Words are used to confuse, so that at election time people will solemnly vote against their own interests. Gore Vidal, Imperial America, 2004 ---- A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep Saul Bellow, To Jerusalem and Back, 1976 ---- Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one Charles Mackay, Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds, 1841 ---- He who wants to persuade should put his trust not in the right argument, but in the right word. The power of sound has always been greater than the power of sense Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim, 1900 ---- It is worthy of remark that a belief constantly inculcated during the early years of life, whilst the brain is impressible, appears to acquire almost the nature of an instinct; and the very essence of an instinct is that it is followed independently of reason Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man, 1871 ---- There once was a virtualization coder, Whose patches kept getting older, Each time upstream would drop, His documentation would slightly rot, SO APPLY MY F*$KING PATCHES OR I'LL KEEP WRITING LIMERICKS. Rusty Russel ---- Just because code is clever doesn't mean it should go in. There are enough things in the kernel which have to be complex that we should always be on the lookout for things which can be made simpler. Rusty Russell, in a November 15th, 2007 message on the Linux Kernel mailing list. ---- The greatest problem of communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished. George Bernard Shaw ---- It's not at all important to get it right the first time. It's vitally important to get it right the last time. Andrew Hunt and David Thomas ---- Learning is not compulsory. Neither is survival. W. Edwards Deming ---- Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgement. Fred Brooks ---- I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable. Dwight Eisenhower ---- Enjoying success requires the ability to adapt. Only by being open to change will you have a true opportunity to get the most from your talent. Nolan Ryan ---- In war as in life, it is often necessary when some cherished scheme has failed, to take up the best alternative open, and if so, it is folly not to work for it with all your might. Winston Churchill ---- Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you. Bill Cosby ---- One person with passion is better than forty people merely interested. E. M. Forster ---- ... Thous who are capable (and some that don't) use Pascal, the others, just say dou' (Homer Simpson like) every other line of code. Ido Kanner, Explainin someone why he uses Pascal ---- It was true that I didn't have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so? Charles Bukowski, Factotum, Black Sparrow Press, 1975 ---- My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell. American Beauty, 1999 ---- One of the saddest things is that the only thing that a man can do for eight hours a day, day after day, is work. You can't eat eight hours a day nor drink for eight hours a day nor make love for eight hours'all you can do for eight hours is work. Which is the reason why man makes himself and everybody else so miserable and unhappy. William Faulkner, interview in Writers at Work, 1958 ---- Industrial man'a sentient reciprocating engine having a fluctuating output, coupled to an iron wheel revolving with uniform velocity. And then we wonder why this should be the golden age of revolution and mental derangement. Aldous Huxley, Time Must Have a Stop, 1944 ---- I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables'slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war . . . our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. Fight Club, 1999 ---- Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do. Oscar Wilde ---- For us to live any other way was nuts. Uh, to us, those goody-good people who worked shitty jobs for bum paychecks and took the subway to work every day, and worried about their bills, were dead. I mean they were suckers. They had no balls. If we wanted something we just took it. If anyone complained twice they got hit so bad, believe me, they never complained again. Goodfellas, 1990 ---- But men labor under a mistake. The better part of the man is soon ploughed into the soil for compost. By a seeming fate, commonly called necessity, they are employed, as it says in the old book, laying up treasures which moth and rust will corrupt and thieves break through and steal. It is a fool's life, as they will find when they get to the end of it, if not before. Henry David Thoreau, Walden, 1854 ---- We don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements. Office Space, 1999 ---- As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show. Johnny Carson, host, Academy Award ceremony, 1979 ---- Good evening, Hollywood phonies. Chevy Chase, salutation, hosting the Academy Award ceremony, 1988 ---- I never watched the Oscars. Come on, it's a fashion show . . . What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars? Show me one. And they don't recognize comedy, and you don't see a lot of black people nominated, so why should I watch it? Chris Rock, 77th Academy Awards host, quoted in Entertainment Weekly, 2005 ---- The solemnity of the annual Nobel ceremonies in Stockholm with the cheerful bad taste of the grand opening of a shopping center in Los Angeles. Vincent Canby, describing the Academy Award ceremony, 1983 ---- What does the Academy Award mean? I don't think it means much of anything. Sally Field, 1980 ---- I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things'or who doesn't win them'you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is. Woody Allen, 1978 ---- Awards are meaningless for actors, unless they all play the same part. Humphrey Bogart, 1943 ---- The Academy Awards are obscene, dirty . . . no better than a beauty contest. Dustin Hoffman, 1975 ---- The (Academy Award) ceremonies are a two-hour meat parade, a public display with contrived suspense for economic reasons. George C. Scott, declining the Oscar for Best Actor, 1971 ---- Hello, my name is Sacheen Littlefeather. I'm Apache and president of the National Native American Affirmative Action Committee. I'm representing Marlon Brando tonight and he's asked me to tell you in a very long speech which I cannot share with you presently because of time that he very regretfully cannot accept their very generous award and the reasons for this being the treatment of American Indians by the film industry. Sacheen Littlefeather (Maria Cruz), declining Brando's Best Actor Award for The Godfather, 1973 Academy Awards ---- Before I knowed it, I was sayin' out loud, 'The hell with it! There ain't no sin and there ain't no virtue. There's just stuff people do. It's all part of the same thing.' The Grapes of Wrath [1939] John Steinbeck ---- Ravished! How ravished one could be without ever being touched. Ravished by dead words become obscene, and dead ideas become obsessions. Lady Chatterley's Lover [1928] D. H. Lawrence ---- All this happened, more or less. The war parts, anyway, are pretty much true. One guy I knew really was shot in Dresden for taking a teapot that wasn't his. Another guy I knew really did threaten to have his personal enemies killed by hired gunmen after the war. And so on. I've changed all the names. Slaughterhouse-Five [1969] Kurt Vonnegut ---- The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience. To Kill a Mockingbird [1960] Harper Lee ---- The sun burnt every day. It burnt Time. The world rushed in a circle and turned on its axis and time was busy burning the years and the people anyway, without any help from him. So if he burnt things with the firemen and the sun burnt Time, that meant that everything burnt! Fahrenheit 451 [1953] Ray Bradbury ---- It was that kind of a crazy afternoon, terrifically cold, and no sun out or anything, and you felt like you were disappearing every time you crossed a road. The Catcher in the Rye [1951] J.D. Salinger ---- "I believe that today more than ever a book should be sought after even if it has only one great page in it. We must search for fragments, splinters, toenails, anything that has ore in it, anything that is capable of resuscitating the body and the soul. Tropic of Cancer [1934] Henry Miller ---- The Planet drifts to random insect doom... Naked Lunch [1959] William S. Burroughs ---- History...is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake. Ulysses [1922] James Joyce ---- Day by day and almost minute by minute the past was brought up to date. In this way every prediction made by the Party could be shown by documentary evidence to have been correct; nor was any item of news, or any expression of opinion, which conflicted with the needs of the moment, ever allowed to remain on record. All history was a palimpsest, scraped clean and reinscribed exactly as often as was necessary. 1984 [1949] George Orwell ---- Christmas is awesome. First of all you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time. From The Office ---- I hate Christmas. The mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is 'I want this,' 'Get me this,' 'I have to have this' . . . and then there's the children. And they're all by my store 'cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. 'Ho, ho, ho,' all day long. So, nice as can be, I go outside, ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. Beard comes off, all the kids start crying and I'm the bad guy. Al Bundy in Married . . . With Children ---- You see Santa Claus tonight you better run boy, you better run for ya life! . . . You scared, ain't you? You should be! Christmas Eve is the scariest damn night of the year! Silent Night, Deadly Night ---- Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind John F. Kennedy ---- Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. Helen Keller ---- When you know a thing, to hold that you know it; and when you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it - this is knowledge. Confucius , The Confucian Analects ---- Reason and free inquiry are the only effectual agents against error. Thomas Jefferson , Notes on the State of Virginia ---- There are only two ways by which to rise in this world, either by one's own industry or by the stupidity of others. Jean de LaBruyere ---- Every man has his follies -- and often they are the most interesting thing he had got. Josh Billings ---- You are only as wise as others perceive you to be. M. Shawn Cole ---- The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. George Bernard Shaw ---- And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow. Jerry Chin ---- The great thing about mod_rewrite is it gives you all the configurability and flexibility of Sendmail. The downside to mod_rewrite is that it gives you all the configurability and flexibility of Sendmail. Brian Behlendorf, Apache Group ---- Windows is not an operating system, it is a virtual emulation for testing hardware and software reaction for overloading a computer Ido Kanner, A conversation regarding the usage of Windows virtualization ---- > I am looking for a Python trainer so we can start offering > Python training to our customers. Must... Resist... Oh what the heck. (read with a heavy southern India accent) Hello, my name is Ashish Khare, I've been a python trainer for fourteen years under the great Ranjan of Pushkar, I would love to train any python that you have, I also do cobra and rattle snakes. I am highly experienced and my pythons have only bitten 3 people so far, one of them tried to actually grab it by the teeth, imagine that. No fatalities so far. I have my own basket and flute and willing to relocate. Please call Ashish +91 (98) 1137-7803 for more details. Arik Baratz in http://permalink.gmane.org/gmane.comp.python.israel/427 ---- my name is Inigo Montoya, you (have tried) to kill my compiler, prepare to die ---- Two men look out through the same bars: One sees the mud and one the stars. Frederick Langbridge (1849 - 1923) ---- Marvin: I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed. Trillian: Well, we have something that may take your mind off it. Marvin: It won't work, I have an exceptionally large mind. Trillian: Yeah, we know. From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ---- Marvin: You can blame the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation for making androids with GPP... Arthur: Um... what's GPP? Marvin: Genuine People Personalities. I'm a personality prototype. You can tell, can't you...? From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ---- Marvin: [as they are gazing at the wonder of Magrathea] Incredible... it's even worse than I thought it would be. From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ---- [Arthur and Ford have each been unexpectedly hit in the face by some unknown flyswatter-like thing] Zaphod: [after finally also being hit in the face] Zarquon! What was that? Geez... Marvin: [depressed] I'd make a suggestion, but you wouldn't listen. [even more depressed] Marvin: No one ever does. From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ---- Marvin: [as Vogons fire at the group] Don't see what the big deal is... Vogons are some of the worst shots in the galaxy... Marvin: [one hits Marvin, leaving a smoking hole in his head. he turns] Now I've got a headache! From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ---- Marvin: Freeze? I'm a robot. I'm not a refrigerator. From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ---- Marvin: I've been talking to the main computer. Arthur: And? Marvin: It hates me. From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ---- [last lines] Marvin: Not that anyone cares what I think, but the restaurant is at the *other* end of the Universe. From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ---- Marvin: I've calculated your chance of survival, but I don't think you'll like it. From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ---- > Subject: Microsoft Office Communications Server > > Has anyone done any integration with this? > > All I know so far is that it appears to use some non standard form of > SIP. > > Any pointers? > What!? Microsoft implementing something not compliant with official standards. Your kidding? David Cook, Asterisk users malling list ---- >> Sorry, we dont have telepathy abilities... >> > > Can you add telepathy abilities to the next Lazarus version? > > That would be great! > This is for Mattias - he is our innovation manager. Paul Ishenin, Lazarus malling list ---- Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane. Philip K. Dick, Valis, US science fiction author (1928 - 1982) ---- are u _the_ r0b0c0d? yes bish omfg everyone is talking about u, u ddos attacking dalnet?? is the pope fuckin old? Seen at Bash.org #44695 ---- We don't have SATs in canada. All our words stop at 6 letters. Seen at Bash.org, #71437 ---- a patriot missle shot down a british aircraft Damn British pilots flying into our missiles... Seem at Bash.org, #82222 ---- Topic in #os: hey guyz, stop pickin on irix. w00t! i bought unix! im gonna b so rich! /msg atnt haha. idiot. whoops. was that out loud? rotfl lol why r u laffin at me? dude, unix is so 10 years ago. linux is in now. wtf? hey guyz, i bought caldera, I have linux now. haha, your linux sucks. lol lol lol no wayz, i will sell more linux than u! your linux sucks, you should look at SuSE Ja. Wir bilden gutes Linux f�r IBM. can we do linux with you? Ich bin nicht sicher... *cough* Gut lassen Sie uns vereinigen. * SuSE is now SuSE[UL] * SCO is now caldera[UL] can we play? we're bored... we'll go too. sure! * turbolinux is now turbolinux[UL] * conectiva is now conectiva[UL] redhat: you should join! Ja! Wir sind vereinigtes Linux. Widerstand ist vergeblich. haha. no. lamers. what about you debian? we'll discuss it and let you know in 5 years. no one wants my linux! i got owned. u all tricked me. linux is lame. * caldera[UL] is now known as SCO i'm going back to unix. yeah! want to do unix with me? haha. no. lamer. lol snap! :~( hey, u shut up. im gonna sue u ibm. wtf? yea, you stole all the good stuff from unix. lol heraus laut lachen lol shutup. i'm gonna email all your friends and tell them you suck. go ahead. baby. andandand... i revoke your unix! how do you like that? oh no, you didn't. AIX is forever. actually, we still own unix, you can't do that. wtf? we bought it from u. whoops. our bad. i own u. haha ibm: give me all your AIX now! whatever. lamer. * ibm sets mode +b SCO!*@* * SCO has been kicked from #os (own this.) Seen at Bash.org, #106579 ---- <@LZ|5133p> gonna have to rebuild my fish tank tomorrow <@LZ|5133p> getting a new filter <@LZ|5133p> and fish <+Toba> pkg_delete fish-tank-1.0.23b <+Toba> cd /usr/ports/fish/fish-tank-1.2.43c <+Toba> make all install clean -WITH_FILTER -WITH_FISH Seen at Bash.org, #477843 ---- Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot. Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him. So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had: 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly." Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver! Seen at Bash.org, #823214 ---- Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later! Brooks Law ---- The best way to get a project done faster is to start sooner Jim Highsmith ---- Even the best planning is not so omniscient as to get it right the first time Fred Brooks ---- How does a project get to be a year late?... One day at a time. Fred Brooks ---- The bearing of a child takes nine months, no matter how many women are assigned. Many software tasks have this characteristic because of the sequential nature of debugging Fred Brooks ---- Plan to throw one (implementation) away; you will, anyhow Fred Brooks ---- Every good work of software starts by scratching a developer's personal itch ---- Perfection (in design) is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but rather when there is nothing more to take away Antoine de Saint-Exupery ---- Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand. Martin Fowler ---- Program testing can be used to show the presence of bugs, but never to show their absence! Edsger Dijkstra ---- The belief that complex systems require armies of designers and programmers is wrong. A system that is not understood in its entirety, or at least to a significant degree of detail by a single individual, should probably not be built. Niklaus Wirth ---- A primary cause of complexity is that software vendors uncritically adopt almost any feature that users want. Niklaus Wirth ---- Prolific programmers contribute to certain disaster. Niklaus Wirth ---- Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers think it is good for programmers and programmers hate it!. Gerald Weinberg ---- Good code is its own best documentation. As you're about to add a comment, ask yourself, 'How can I improve the code so that this comment isn't needed?' Improve the code and then document it to make it even clearer. Steve McConnell ---- It's OK to figure out murder mysteries, but you shouldn't need to figure out code. You should be able to read it. Steve McConnell ---- It's better to wait for a productive programmer to become available than it is to wait for the first available programmer to become productive. Steve McConnell ---- An organization that treats its programmers as morons will soon have programmers that are willing and able to act like morons only. Bjarne Stroustrup ---- Design and programming are human activities; forget that and all is lost. Bjarne Stroustrup ---- Before software can be reusable it first has to be usable. Ralph Johnson ---- If you think your management doesn't know what it's doing or that your organisation turns out low-quality software crap that embarrasses you, then leave. Edward Yourdon, Rise and Resurrection of the American Programmer ---- Real programmers can write assembly code in any language. Larry Wall ---- Up to a point, it is better to just let the snags [bugs] be there than to spend such time in design that there are none. Alan M. Turing ---- The price of reliability is the pursuit of the utmost simplicity. It is a price which the very rich may find hard to pay. Charles Antony Richard Hoare (C.A.R. Hoare) ---- There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult. Charles Antony Richard Hoare (C.A.R. Hoare) ---- You cannot teach beginners top-down programming, because they don't know which end is up. Charles Antony Richard Hoare (C.A.R. Hoare) ---- Inside every large program, there is a small program trying to get out. Charles Antony Richard Hoare (C.A.R. Hoare) ---- The key to performance is elegance, not battalions of special cases. Jon Bentley and Doug McIlroy ---- Why do we never have time to do it right, but always have time to do it over? ---- The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it ---- Better train people and risk they leave - than do nothing and risk they stay ---- Optimism is an occupational hazard of programming: feedback is the treament Kent Beck ---- Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. Frederick P. Brooks ---- When to use iterative development? You should use iterative development only on projects that you want to succeed. Martin Fowler, in "UML Distilled" ---- Simple things should be simple, complex things should be possible. The Wiki Way: Quick Collaboration on the Web, Bo Leuf, Ward Cunningham ---- Simplicity is the soul of efficiency. Austin Freeman ---- ... with proper design, the features come cheaply. This approach is arduous, but continues to succeed. Dennis Ritchie ---- A good way to stay flexible is to write less code ---- The best performance improvement is the transition from the nonworking state to the working state. John Ousterhout ---- More computing sins are committed in the name of efficiency (without necessarily achieving it) than for any other single reason - including blind stupidity. W.A. Wulf ---- The competent programmer is fully aware of the strictly limited size of his own skull; therefore he approaches the programming task in full humility, and among other things he avoids clever tricks like the plague. Edsger Dijkstra ---- Correctness is clearly the prime quality. If a system does not do what it is supposed to do, then everything else about it matters little. Bertrand Meyer ---- One principle problem of educating software engineers is that they will not use a new method until they believe it works and, more importantly, that they will not believe the method will work until they see it for themselves. Humphrey, W.S., "The Personal Software Process" ---- Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it. Brian W. Kernighan ---- Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler. Albert Einstein ---- Increasingly, people seem to misinterpret complexity as sophistication, which is baffling --- the incomprehensible should cause suspicion rather than admiration. Niklaus Wirth ---- If you cannot grok the overall structure of a program while taking a shower, you are not ready to code it. Richard Pattis ---- You can't have great software without a great team, and most software teams behave like dysfunctional families. Jim McCarthy ---- The perfect project plan is possible if one first documents a list of all the unknowns. Bill Langley ---- If something is worth doing once, it's worth building a tool to do it ---- Always code as if the person who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live ---- ... programming requires more concentration than other activities. It's the reason programmers get upset about 'quick interruptions' - such interruptions are tantamount to asking a juggler to keep three balls in the air and hold your groceries at the same time." Steve McConnell, Code Complete ---- When debugging, novices insert corrective code; experts remove defective code. Richard Pattis ---- Every big computing disaster has come from taking too many ideas and putting them in one place. Gordon Bell ---- Conceptual integrity is the most important consideration in system design. Fred Brooks, "The Mythical Man-Month" ---- Experience doesn't necessarily teach anything. Gerald M. Weinberg, "Understanding the Professional Programmer" ---- No matter what the problem is, it's always a people problem. Gerald M. Weinberg ---- Hiring people to write code to sell is not the same as hiring people to design and build durable, usable, dependable software. Larry Constantine ---- The wisdom of the wise and the experience of the ages are perpetuated in quotations. Benjamin Disraeli ---- We try to solve the problem by rushing through the design process so that enough time is left at the end of the project to uncover the errors that were made because we rushed through the design process. Glenford Myers ---- Programs should be written and polished until they acquire publication quality Niklaus Wirth ---- Time pressure gradually corrupts an engineer's standard of quality and perfection. It has a detrimental effect on people as well as products. Niklaus Wirth ---- Good engineering is characterized by gradual, stepwise refinement of products that yields increased performance under given constraints and with given resources. Niklaus Wirth ---- Software expands to fill the available memory. Parkinson ---- Software is getting slower more rapidly than hardware becomes faster. Reiser ---- My goal is to make the computer invisible. Stu Galley, from Infocom's Implementer's Creed ---- Always honor the system color settings, that is, the colors that the user chose in the control panel. Users have deliberately chosen those colors to give their computer the color scheme they like. Also, many of your vision-impaired users have deliberately set up schemes that they can see more clearly. (For that matter, always honor they system fonts so that your text is readable by people who prefer larger fonts.) Joel Spolsky ---- Trying to improve software quality by increasing the amount of testing is like trying to lose weight by weighing yourself more often. Steve McConnell, Code Complete ---- Fifty years of programming language research, and we end up with C++ ??? Richard A. O'Keefe ---- C++: Hard to learn and built to stay that way ---- C++ is like teenage sex: * It's on everyone's mind all the time. * Everyone talks about it all the time. * Everyone thinks everyone else is doing it. * Almost no one is really doing it. * The few who are doing it are: * doing it poorly. * sure it will be better next time. * not practicing it safely. * Everyone's bragging about their successes all the time, although very few have actually had any. ---- Writing in C or C++ is like running a chain saw with all the safety guards removed Bob Gray ---- Ever spend a little time reading comp.lang.c++ ? That's really the best place to learn about the number of C++ users looking for a better language. R. William Beckwith ---- The evolution of languages: FORTRAN is a non-typed language. C is a weakly typed language. Ada is a strongly typed language. C++ is a strongly hyped language Ron Sercely ---- C(++) is a write-only, high-level assembler language. Stefan Van Baelen ---- C++ has it's place in the history of programming languages. Just as Caligula has his place in the history of the Roman Empire ? Robert Firth ---- C++ : Where friends have access to your private members. Gavin Russell Baker ---- C++ would make a decent teaching language if we could teach the ++ part without the C part. Michael B. Feldman ---- The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones ---- In C++ it's harder to shoot yourself in the foot, but when you do, you blow off your whole leg. Bjarne Stroustrup ---- Top 5 reasons to buy a crappy C++ book: 5 -- You won't read it anyway 4 -- It comes out of your company's wallet, not yours 3 -- It's the only language left that doesn't try to be "write once, run on any toaster oven" 2 -- You still can't figure out how pointers work 1 -- It's still less crappy than the writing on Slashdot Amsterdam Vallon, http://books.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=52893&cid=5241935 ---- When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb. Steve Haflich in alt.lang.design, December 1994 ---- One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs Robert Firth ---- I have stopped reading Stephen King novels. Now I just read C code instead. Richard O'Keefe ---- C++ is an atrocity, the bletcherous scab of the computing world, responsible for more buffer overflows, more security breaches, more blue screens of death, more mysterious failures than any other computer language in the history of the planet Earth. Eric Lee Green ---- Arguing that Java is better than C++ is like arguing that grasshoppers taste better than tree bark. Thant Tessman ---- If C++ has taught me one thing, it's this: Just because the system is consistent doesn't mean it's not the work of Satan. Andrew Plotkin ---- Being really good at C++ is like being really good at using rocks to sharpen sticks. Thant Tessman ---- If you think C++ is not overly complicated, just what is a protected abstract virtual base pure virtual private destructor and when was the last time you needed one? Tom Cargill ---- In My Egotistical Opinion, most people's C programs should be indented six feet downward and covered with dirt. Blair P. Houghton ---- A system composed of 100,000 lines of C++ is not be sneezed at, but we don't have that much trouble developing 100,000 lines of COBOL today. The real test of OOP will come when systems of 1 to 10 million lines of code are developed. Ed Yourdon ---- C has all the expressive power of two dixie cups and a string. Jamie Zawinski ---- Within C++, there is a much smaller and cleaner language struggling to get out. Bjarne Stroustrup ---- I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind. Alan Kay ---- There are only two things wrong with C++: The initial concept and the implementation. Bertrand Meyer ---- C++ will do for C what Algol-68 did for Algol. David L Jones ---- C is often described, with a mixture of fondness and disdain varying according to the speaker, as "a language that combines all the elegance and power of assembly language with all the readability and maintainability of assembly language." MIT Jargon Dictionary ---- C++ is the only current language making COBOL look good. Bertrand Meyer ---- PL/I and Ada started out with all the bloat, were very daunting languages, and got bad reputations (deservedly). C++ has shown that if you slowly bloat up a language over a period of years, people don't seem to mind as much. James Hague ---- Java is, in many ways, C++--. Michael Feldman ---- You can't prove anything about a program written in C or FORTRAN. It's really just Peek and Poke with some syntactic sugar. Bill Joy ---- C is quirky, flawed and an enormous success. Dennis Ritchie ---- Eiffel borrows quite heavily from some earlier programming languages and I am sure that if we had found a good programming construct in C we would have used it as well. Bertrand Meyer ---- A C program is like a fast dance on a newly waxed dance floor by people carrying razors. Waldi Ravens ---- All C programs do the same thing: look at a character and do nothing with it. Peter Weinberger ---- Whenever the C++ language designers had two competing ideas as to how they should solve some problem, they said, "OK, we'll do them both". So the language is too baroque for my taste. Donald E Knuth ---- The last good thing written in C++ was the Pachelbel Canon. Jerry Olson ---- Other advanced languages, such as assembler and C, were not terribly complex in themselves, but the environments in which applications were developed were downright weird, with mines scattered about everywhere, ready to blow the inattentive programmer out of the water. Bruce Tognazzini ---- Going from programming in Pascal to programming in C, is like learning to write in Morse code. J P Candusso ---- To me C++ seems to be a language that has sacrificed orthogonality and elegance for random expediency. Meilir Page-Jones ---- Any sufficiently complicated C or Fortran program contains an ad hoc informally-specified bug-ridden slow implementation of half of Common Lisp. Philip Greenspun ---- C++ is history repeated as tragedy. Java is history repeated as farce. Scott McKay ---- Unix and C are the ultimate computer viruses. Richard P Gabriel ---- It has been discovered that C++ provides a remarkable facility for concealing the trival details of a program -- such as where its bugs are. David Keppel ---- I view the landslide of C use in education as something of a calamity. Nicklaus Wirth ---- C++ is like jamming a helicopter inside a Miata and expecting some sort of improvement. Drew Olbrich ---- Pointers are like jumps, leading wildly from one part of the data structure to another. Their introduction into high-level languages has been a step backwards from which we may never recover. Tony Hoare ---- C++: Simula in wolf's clothing. Bjarne Stroustrup ---- The belief is still widespread in the commputing community that C and its derivatives are programming languages -- languages intended for people to write programs in. This is a regrettable misunderstanding. Bertrand Meyer ---- From a practical viewpoint, it's easy to see that C will always be with us, taking a place beside Fortran and Cobol as the right tool for certain jobs. Larry O'Brien ---- I consider C++ the most significant technical hazard to the survival of your project and do so without apologies. Alistair Cockburn ---- --> spx2 has joined #soc-help I want to FIGHT FOR PERL IN GSOC ! I feel the power of metal in my veins perl is flowing in my blood ! What perl Armies can I join this YEAR ? spx2: a lot :) ambs: Hail BRETHREN ! where are the armies ??? I want to ENGAGE and start preparing my weapons ! ambs: what projects are this year ? spx2: ideas at http://www.perlfoundation.org/perl5/index.cgi?gsoc2008_projects I will fight this year in the PERL battle ! spx2: Python is for the WEAK and TIMID! rindolf: TOTALLY ! * spx2 examines the war grounds Seen on hackers il, 12/04/2008 ---- Hrm. More infernal questions, mainly because I am trying to make my perl prettier and contain less nasty if's. I have $foo and $bar which are obtained from split(/ /, 'kitten loving'). But I don't want undef if the split fails, I'd rather '' for $bar or both. What's the nicest way to do that? ($foo, $bar) = map { $_ // "" } split / /, $str; # 5.10 version :) Noo 5.10! :) ($foo, $bar) = map { defined $_ ? $_ : "" } split / /, $str; # probably some other shorter ways too edeca: [bad idea] you can also try using the conditional->inheritance refactoring. :-) * Khisanth pours boiling coffee on rindolf * Khisanth: I hate coffee, but I guess I deserved it. * That was a joke, of course. * you weren't really supposed to like having boiling anything * poured on you but I guess you are into the kinkier stuff * * -- Freenode's #perl Seen on hackers il, 12/04/2008 ---- Juerd: eh in today's world of heavy JS on the clientside, i think it makes a little more sense to use the same lang. everywhere rbastic: JS on the client side is because often it's the only option the universe provides. Juerd: from a business perspective, you reduce the complexity and potential difficulties in finding new hires with the same skillset rbastic: have you heard of RJS? rbastic: On the server side, however, you have great freedom. rindolf: no, what's that? larry wants perl6 to run on javascript :) rbastic: "One Language; and One Sayings". rbastic: Exactly. I would never hire a server side programmer who knows *only* Javascript, and is too stupid to learn whatever we're using on the server side. rbastic: my translation to a sentence from the Tower of Babel myth. Juerd: i'll agree with that also. any real programmer knows or has at least coded in half a dozen languages before From a business perspective, you should avoid crap coders at all cost. Knows *or* has coded... Hmmm...! rbastic: though according to what most scholars believe it was not about using one language but rather thinking the same. I hope they haven't coded in half a dozen languages without knowing them. That'd be scary. Reality is scary, Juerd Hmm, BASIC, FORTRAN, COBOL, assembler, C, more assembler, C, Pascal ... Perl! -- The Grand Unified Programming Language Seen on hackers il, 12/04/2008 ---- rbastic: now I'm working with C++. rbastic: I found out that my project compiles really quickly. rbastic: under 5 or 10 minutes on a P4-2.4GHz with 1 GB of RAM. rbastic: maybe KDE is making g++ look bad. rindolf: yeah, i'm not a big KDE fan rbastic: actually I'm using KDE-3.5.8 here. rbastic: I was talking about the compilation speed of KDE apps and KDE itself. rbastic: possibly because each file has half-a-gazillion headers. My C++ code is a server one, so we don't have too many deps. yeah, isn't there a way to cache header files? ie. in their "compiled" form? or is that something I'm remembering from some other programming language that purported to build on top of C? rbastic: MSVC has that. ahh, nods rbastic: no, Visual C++ has precompiled headers. rbastic: I remember that I kept deleting them. yeah, couldn't remember lol Pascal compiles very quickly. That's one of the things I enjoyed in Delphi. ugh, the app i'm been maintaining in Java was originally a fat client/server desktop app, written in Delphi rbastic: ah. i remember booting up the old app for the first time, and being amazed at how slow it was eventually, i had to duplicate a feature in the Java code and i wasn't sure how it was implemented before rbastic: you mean the Java app is faster? :S so being as i had no Delphi experience, and the newer Delphi environments made NO sense to me at all, i just opened up the SQL Server query analyzer rindolf: yes, but only b/c the Delphi programmer was an idiot, issuing queries over and over again needlessly rindolf: if you could've seen the MSSQL Performance Analyzer or whatever, it was basically just.. Query1, Query2, Query3, Query1, Query2, Query3, repeat. it was probably the worst ive ever seen in my life.. belongs on www.thedailywtf.com -- Can I haz a fast compiler on Freenode's #perl Seen on hackers il, 12/04/2008 ---- scrottie: hi. hi rindolf! scrottie: are you the scrottie from use.perl.org? yeah. scrottie: ah, nice to meet you. Well, chat with you on IRC at least. * scrottie cowers from the swinging fist probably coming his * way * scrottie: I'm "Shlomi%20Fish" * oh, heh, thanks * It's a curse. * hmm. i vaguely remember interesting stuff from you but * can't honestly place what. * I know I've seen you around here before too. * Yeah, my use.perl.org blog is mostly technical and * perl-related. * I post on use.perl.org entirely too much. * So it may be a bit boring. * Sometimes it's a bit philosophical. * scrottie: yes. * heh. and mine is offensively off-topic. * scrottie: I have other blogs. * I've posted to livejournal twice! * * -- I think too much - therefore I blog too much on Freenode's #perl Seen on hackers il, 12/04/2008 ---- Can we add styles like , , etc.? Or colours? Or blink? Or images? Or flash applets? ! rindolf: No I think. Google's Web Application does not allow them. It is just a